Her Eyes
by Shy Cheese
Summary: I wish you were mine, but you want another...
1. Chapter 1

Her eyes. Her eyes say so much when she looks towards his direction. The glow, the laugher, the sparkle within. Everyone is happy for her, for them. It's a new beginning and the chance for a normal life that she has said she is not entitled to live. No no, you can have it. You are normal like everyone else. Well, normal is a word that has many definitions. Her normal is so very her. She is not normal to me, she is above everyone. She is my heart, my soul and the reason I wake. She is not mine.

I watch from a distance when they are together, that is all I can do. She looks so beautiful and I feel the crushing realization that it is not me she wants. I revert to my shell, self-protection at its best. And yet I cannot leave her side. I am her friend, she reaches out to touch my arm and I try to calm the goose bumps from appearing. Does she notice? If so, she does not admit. She looks at me and smiles. And my heart melts.

She is so beautiful and yet does not realize. How can that be when he tells her all the time. Could it be she wants to hear it from you? Could it be that she wants to say the same to you? No, it is just a fantasy that keeps replaying in your mind. You should know better, she is your friend. She wants him.

I stand fixated on her features. It is not just the physical that attracts me, do not think of me as shallow. It is the way she laughs at little things. It is the way she conducts herself in business and in family settings. The easy in which she flows amongst people, and yet she wants to be in the background. I am before her with my heart beating in my chest and yet she does not see me.

She likes what he has to offer. An education, worldly travels, a free spirit, a shared past that is somewhat not shared. I wonder if she is alright with receiving from him when she could possibly have me? If only she would let me explain, declare, profess and love. If only, but she is just a friend. Can I risk losing you even if I would have everything to gain?

Her smile fills my heart, her laughter completes me. How do I go on watching the two together knowing that by being a coward I have missed my chance? But you do not want me, you say you want him. I will smile in his direction, I will congratulate at the wedding. She is yours now and my heart is broken.

The wedding, I will show up in heels. Maybe you will look at me, admire me and God Willing long for me. I will be beside you at the alter. Why am I not the one sliding the ring on your finger? My heart feels like a boulder in my chest and I somewhat have to learn to breathe again. Why cannot the first dance be mine? To hold you tenderly, look into your eyes and know you love me on our special day. I smile at you, you beam back at me. Why can't you see me?

The happy couple departs the reception among the applauds from our loved ones. "Isn't she beautiful today?" Yes, you reply. Are you blind? She is in love. She is in love with another. There is no longer a chance. And then the phone rings, you think it is work. You see her name and have an uneasy feeling. After you answer, she says thank you for today and she misses you already. You smile, hang up and shed a tear.

Opening the door, you are greeted by silence. How can there be so little noise when your head is filled with so much? Shoes off, you change the rest of your clothes. They are together now in the hotel. Alone. Just as you are alone. With your thoughts, your dreams, your desires. She is not yours, she is his tonight. You open the refrigerator and reach for beer and wine. Hey, why not have them both in celebration of a lovely day!

As you sit on the couch, you recall days of old when you have fallen asleep beside each other. Did you imagine or was that real? Is any of this real? You are alone and the silence is deafening. She is not yours. You drink to diminish the pain of knowing it is not you she wants. As you finish both a bottle of wine and the beer, it is time for bed. They are in bed now as well, you think. Please stop thinking and black out.

In the morning, there is a brunch to attend. You arrive, freshly showed with a beautiful dress and hair flowing. The couple arrive and she sits down beside you. As she grasps your hand, you wish bullets would enter your body so that the pain would only be physical. It is not, it is so much more. She looks spectacular as always, as you feel your heart beating faster you reply "Hey there". She says that yesterday was incredible and thank you. "Don't mention it" you say. Please do not.

Before the happy couple departs for their honeymoon, you duck into the restroom for a moment to collect yourself. Can this really be happening? It is done, you realize, and all hope is gone. She chose someone and it was not you. You rate second, perhaps third or fourth. As you step out of the stall, you see her freshening herself in the mirror. You look beautiful as always, you say. What do you have to lose? It's already gone. She says "Thank you, I will think of you on the honeymoon". Just what you wanted to hear, or did you? After a brief hug that did not last a life time, you leave her behind to join the celebration. Damn, damn, damn you say to yourself. She emerges with tear stains down her cheeks. Could it be, are these for me?

After rejoining the family, the happy couple is soon departing for their special trip. "Goodbye" she says while you steel yourself for the subsequent pain. You hug her back, wanting to hold her for more than is appropriate. I love you, you hear yourself say, and then If only you loved me in return. She steps back from your grasp, a tear running down her face and she says "but I do…..". She turns and leaves with him. Your soul is crushed, and yet a glimmer of potential.

So is the curse of someone in love who will put on the forever more Fake Happy face until her dreams become reality.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Thank you for the kind reviews, it is much appreciated! Happy reading! And your feedback is most welcome. All mistakes are mine, all thoughts are mine.

In a day she will be back from the honeymoon. After two days, she will be back to work and life will become "normal". What is normal? I do not know other than I know who I want and she is not mine. That is my normal and it does not feel right because my normal has her in my arms. This is not normal. That is my life, my new normal. The definition of normal is still a mystery to me.

I had a few weeks to prepare myself for this. I am breathing, I can handle it. I want her in my life if only for a friend. Whatever I can take, I am greedy. She is mine but I have no courage. Call me the Lion in the Wizard of Oz. I miss my Judy. Where can I find courage to risk everything, I have to get everything I want and potentially lose all that I am? It is the Wizard of Oz II, Wicked? Gravity….

The phone rings and I pick it up, it is her. Hello! I say, how was your honeymoon? I steel myself to hear the answer as I really do not care to hear tales of happiness, love and joy. I have none and do not want to hear of hers. She says it was fine and she was looking forward to seeing me soon. "Oh yeah?" Yes, plenty of pictures at the beach to show. Oh goodie….

The morning comes and I am at my work space. No coffee get-togethers beforehand, just a quick "Hi" on an elevator exchange. Things have changed, we are both different and yet we are the same. Later, we meet for lunch and I sit across from her. She gave herself to him, both in matrimony and in the physical sense. For me, I do not know which hurts the most. Does it matter? She is still not mine. And yet…..

"How was the past two weeks?" she asks. I think to myself how lonely and incredibly frustrated I was without you. Instead, I answer that it was fine, time flew by quickly. To me, every night they were together and I could not bare the thought of him kissing her, touching her, making love to her like I wanted to. Oh, the Gods were not smiling down upon me. What have I done to deserve this internal flame that is meant to burn my inside of me?

Later we meet for lunch. "Is Thai ok?" Yes, it will give me an opportunity to focus on chopsticks other than your eyes and lips. Is it wrong that I just want to pour soy all over your stomach and lick it off? YES, it is wrong. You are my friend, you are not mine, and most of all it is too salty. Where is my fortune cookie that says "the love of your life is yours". Instead I get a bunch of numbers that do not win anything in the lottery and the cookie is stale. So is my life.

She is ready to go home to her other person. I refuse to call him her Husband because that means permanent. Is it so? Is she out of my reach? I am just her friend who loves her more than life itself and yet I cannot claim her. She is wearing a ring and I did not put it on her finger therefore she is not mine. I tell myself over and over, and yet her eyes look at me as if pleading that I take her.

No, you are with another. Tell me you want me and we will go from there. Until then, I wait for you. I bleed for you. And I ache for you.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Merry Christmas and Thank you for the kind words.**

"I have a date" you say, "maybe some other time". She looks up, tilts her head and begins asking questions about him. You met him at the grocery store, yes. He works as a graphic designer at the firm across from the post office. He has never been married and has no children. Beautiful dark eyes, dark hair and a sports fan. It is the description of the perfect male, you smirk to yourself. Sadly, it is not her.

"Where is he taking you?" Your mind goes back to the chance encounter with Mark. He caught your eye as you could feel yourself being watched. You look up and smile. He has attractive eyes and wearing your favorite player's jersey. What more could a girl want? You do not answer your own question because the answer is engraved in your heart. She has soft hair, or so you think – you have not really touched it, at least the way you want to. You want to absorb the color, the texture, the smell. No, no, this is not about her.

"Oh, I wrote down the address". She says she is happy for you and wants to hear all about dinner. Wait, why does she say it that way? You look up and those eyes you adore are searching your face. She twists her wedding ring and the diamond of the engagement ring catches your eye. You will never forget when she showed it to you, and the feeling of despair that almost swept you away. She was happy that day and yet there was something still odd about it. It was almost a challenge or maybe that is what you felt. You close your eyes at the thought and wonder if any actions would have prevented seeing your beautiful girl walk down the aisle towards another. How to escape the anger and pain, there has got to be a way. There are so many words going through your mind, and then, "oh yeah, 7:30 with Mark".

At the restaurant, he orders a nice Toscana to start off and shows confidence as he places the rest of his meal. It is an old favorite establishment of yours, one that you have gone with her. Her. Do not think of her. "Why the sad look?" he asks. "What is making your eyes look distant?" It is nothing, you say and smile at him. Mark's dark hair makes you want to run your fingers through it. That curl right there. How would it feel to touch? Oh, the wine is good.

And in she walks. You notice her immediately, as do most of the people at the restaurant. They sit down, the happy couple and he waves to you. She looks over to where he is looking and your eyes meet. Those eyes, oh so beautiful. You could look into them for days and feel your internal organs flip and wonder how to stop it. The expression on her face is not readable, as much as you are try. She looks at your date and then to you. "Who is she?" Mark asks. "Oh, that's my best friend and her new husband. I did not know she would be here this evening." "More wine?" "Yes please, thank you". "So, tell me more about yourself".

Your eyes cannot stop glancing towards them, and your heart seems to still as he reaches for her hand. She smiles and pushes the hair back behind her ear, her neck more visible and calling to you. You then realize she is wearing the star on the gold chain you gave her. It is sitting an inch and a half above her cleavage if you could measure. How would you measure? Finger, tongue? As she laughs, Mark says "they look very much in love". Yes, yes they do.

After dinner, Mark and I share a cannoli and two glasses of grappa, then he offers to take you home. At this point, what does it matter? You appreciate the fact that someone wants to spend time with you. Once inside your humble abode, you offer Mark a glass of wine. As you quickly drink yours and go for a refill, he touches your hand. Stopping, he leans in to touch your lips. The kiss is soft at first and you are enjoying lips on your own. As it deepens, your mind tries to shut everyone out. This is happening, I will make this happen! You break away, turn and head towards the bedroom.

"I will just be a moment" and go freshen up in the bathroom. Your heart is pounding, it is pounding for another. This is what I have now, she belongs to another. I can do this, this will help me to refocus! After exiting the bathroom, you head towards Mark and put your hands on his chest before kissing him, not soft but hard. You lean into him and push towards the bed. You practically rip the buttons on his shirt and like second nature undo his belt. "Hey, what's the hurry? We've got all night." You try to shut off your mind and let your body take over. Let this happen, let this help, please.

As his hand travels up the back of your blouse, you close your eyes. No, it is not her! He unfastens the black bra just purchased for the evening and begins to nibble the side of your neck. Oh, his mouth is warm and his hands are making circles on your back. He palms the right side of your ass and positions himself where you can sense his arousal. You can feel yourself getting exciting and now his heart is beating for you. "You are making me very…." Shhhhh, just take me.

There is no foreplay, as none is needed. You are so wet for her, for him, that when he enters, you bear down. Mark wants to be tender at first and is trying to slow things down, but that is not what you want. Not with him. You reposition so that you are on top and take him as deep as he can go. Gridding, snarling and moving your hips, you place your hands on his chest and pinch his nipples. "Oh my God Woman!" He grabs your ass and is thrusting upwards. He lifts you so that your breast is close to his mouth. Yes, that's it, harder, please do not stop! Focus focus, unfocus. It's not her….

Afterwards, he tries to spoon and hold you tenderly. "Baby, that was incredible" he says. As you sniffle and feel the tear slip down your face, he says "I am sorry if I hurt you" Now it is your time to thank him, and you do. However, you say, "I have an early morning tomorrow. I do not mean to be rude, but can we call this a night?" Confused, he kisses your cheek and gathers his clothes from the floor. "I am looking forward to the next time. Good night beautiful".

No, you did not hurt me. You realize you hurt yourself.


	4. Chapter 4

Eyes 4

"Let's double date tonight, I want to go to see a movie" she says. Ever since seeing you and Mark together, she has been trying to spend time with both of you. "I want to get to know the new love of your life". He is not the love of my life, you are. How could you not realize this? "Yeah, sure, I will call Mark and let you know." Later, you say "we would love to join you and Robert this evening". You and Robert, it still hurts to say his name. He is the love of your life and you committed to him. "Looking forward to it, how is 7?"

Mark has been a good distraction and a welcome addition in your life. He has been nothing but kind, generous and has learned to satisfy your physical needs. The sex has been good, amazing at times. You have learned to shut off your mind and just let yourself go. He has been staying over for the past two nights and getting up early has been a challenge. You care for him, you really do, but there is something missing. Maybe time will tell.

We met in front of the new movie theatre. She has noticed how Mark has his hand placed on your back guiding you. Shaking hands, you watch as Robert and Mark make small talk. The men purchase the tickets, you honestly don't care what you are seeing. You are just happy to see her. She is wearing a rose colored sweater and gray slacks. "You look nice", it just comes naturally from your lips. You chose to wear a black shirt and dark jeans. She smiles and says it is time to go in.

Mark sits on your right and she is on your left. The seats are large, and you choose to sit in the middle of yours. He rests the popcorn between your and his thighs. You try to relax and avoid the small talk they are making. The snack is a good ice breaker to help the time go by before the show starts. This is supposed to be fun. Looking at your lover, you try to relax. Did you just mentally call him your lover? This realization strikes you as odd.

The lights dim and the music starts. Realizing you have no idea what type of movie this is, you cannot help but laugh at yourself. You would do anything to be by her. Another realization. Oh yeah, the movie. Mark is holding your hand and the warmth is comforting. The next sensation you feel is her thigh leaning against yours. This was not a brushing, this was intended contact. You look down at her leg touching yours and wonder if she realizes she is touching you. Glancing over, you know she knows. The smirk on her face makes you choke on the popcorn. He lifts up the Coke and leans in to ensure you are ok. "I'm sorry, that went down the wrong pipe".

Back to the movie and it is actually not bad. It's one of the newest adventures out and you are surprised she chose this. This is not her. Maybe she knew the guys would be entertained and that is why she picked….oh wait. What is this? Ten minutes pass when you feel her pinky link around yours. You feel your heart speed up, she reached for you. Looking at Mark, he is oblivious to your range of emotions and is enjoying the flick. She however is solely focused on the screen. As you shift in your chair, another finger is linked with yours.

Now she looks over and peers into your eyes. Even in the dark, the sparkle is evident and that is for you. You cannot hear the dialog between the actors, as your heart is beating in your head. Can anyone else hear? Taking a breath and releasing it slowly, you add a finger into hers. She squeezes your three fingers and returns to the show. She wants to hold your hand, Yours. And it feels right, it feels like home. Soon, the film credits appear and she releases her grasp. Damn, why wasn't this a double feature? Walking out of the theatre, Robert announces he is hungry. "Follow us to that new Mexican place on the waterfront".

Thirty minutes later, you are seating in front of her and beside Mark at an intimate booth overlooking the water. This is nice, you can handle this. A drink of water helps you to put the situation clearly as two best friends enjoying the night out with their romantic partners. No, you need something stronger. "I will have a Corona please". Yes, that sounds good. Beer for the table. Mark, clearly enjoying being welcomed into the fold, orders a bottle of Tequila with four shot glasses and lime.

Chips and salsa are delivered and you cannot help but wish for that beer. Robert keeps looking over at your wife, his wife. She is smiling back at him and begins to talk with Mark. A boat is slowly drifting by and you wish you were on it, being taken away from this place so that you can be alone with your thoughts. But your thoughts would be of her and she is right in front of you. There is no escape, realize that for once.

The bottle arrives first for Mark's inspection. "Oh you have superb taste, Mark" as she looks your way. He takes the plastic off the bottle and places the plate of lime on the table. The salt is beside the lime. Everyone gets served their beer and Mark makes a great show of pouring 4 shots of Tequila. Robert, not being outdone, reminds us of the order in which to partake this cocktail. The men lick their hand and sprinkle the salt. It is almost a contest who can finish first. You both laugh at the two, as you sip your beer.

"It's our turn" she says. Okay, I can do this. You know you can hold your liquor better than she, although she appears up for the challenge. Why does everything have to be a challenge? You watch her as she licks her hand while looking at Mark. Wait, what is she doing? She sprinkles salt, looks at you and asks if you are ready. "Bring it on". SLAM! You let her win, as the lime burns in your mouth. You wince and throw back a bit of your beer. The men laugh at their girls, this is going to be a fun night. Mark puts his arm possessively around your shoulder and kisses your cheek. Embarrassed, you look outside as a bird flies by.

After her second beer, the lovely shade of rose highlights her eyes. She is eating her meal and seems to be enjoying the flow of the evening. Robert and Mark decide to play Around the Table. What's that? Robert starts off by putting salt on his finger and puts it in his wife's mouth. She closes her eyes and he shoots the liquid down. This does not make sense to you, because he is missing out on the salt. No wait, he is not. His finger is inside of his wife. Oh the thought and look of that hurt. Mark will not be outmanned and reaches over to lick your neck by the shoulder. Salt is applied and then his mouth is on you. You hear a gasp, or was that you? No, it was her. You close your eyes and smile, this could be fun.

"My turn". She takes a sip of her beer first, and then dips her finger into the mouth of the Corona. She tilts the bottle to ensure her finger is wet. I wonder to myself what the bottle feels like to have her inside? She slowly removes her finger, salts it and reaches across the table in my direction. She tells me to open my mouth, and as I close my eyes, I feel her enter me. Oh to never let her go. As you suck inward, her foot teaches your shin. Opening your eyes, you are met with an intense stare, dark pupils. Let go, you remind yourself. Open, take it away. "Damn, that was sexy as hell" Robert says. "We may have to leave soon". The words feel like a splash of cold water hitting your face. Thanks for the reminder that she is not yours. Asshole.

"It's your turn Babe" Mark say, "let's see you top that". Reaching into your wallet, you pull out some money for the meal. Confused, she looks at you somewhat hurt. You pour the Tequila, shoot it, and lick the liquid off. Tilting your head back, you add salt to your burning lips. Am I really doing this? You can do this! You straighten, lean across the table and reach for her shirt. "Come here". She raises from her seat, meets you across the table and closes her eyes. You kiss her on the cheek. It's a nice kiss, and you pull away slowly. She smiles at you, a weak effort. It is now time to go home.

Outside, the men shake hands and then hug. It is fun to watch the effects of alcohol on people sometimes. They seem to like each other and exchange phone numbers. Let's do this again soon. She gives you a goodbye hug and whispers in your ear, "the cheek?" As you tighten your grip, you say "Only this time" and pull away. She is not yours.

After walking into the house, you close the door and turn off the lights. The moon is shining through the window and you move to close the curtains. No, this is better. Mark is looking at you lovingly while you get on your knees and reach for his belt. Forget, this is not her. He threads your hair with his hand and tilts his head back. No, this does not taste like her. What does she taste like? Forget, live in the moment. You feel him pulsating, he wants you. At least someone does.


	5. Chapter 5

**Thank you everyone, I am touched. I hope you enjoy this chapter, as its time for some F to F action. Just wait, because the best is yet to come. Reminder, I don't own anybody except my fantasies. Even those can use some beefing up.**

Coffee, oh the need for coffee. Another night with Mark staying over and you are beat. Last night and this morning was a nice workout, but you need to get the kinks out some way. He makes you smile and is very into you. Too much as a matter of fact, the need for space is seeping in and you wonder if there is anyone else who loses the excitement of a new relationship as quickly as yourself. It is disappointing that there is a void that needs to be filled and nothing seems to fit. Besides her. Does she feel the same? Stop thinking about her, she is not available.

She sits down at your table with her cup. "Good morning! You look rather sleepy today, have you not been getting enough rest? Oh wait, is it because of Mark?" Her tone has an inflection at the name of your lover. Looking up and into those beautiful eyes of hers, she seems to be searching and you wish she could find the answer as you have found yours. "Never mind, I remember what it is like to be newly in love". "Who says that I am in love?" Just then, your phone rings and it is Mark. Instead of bringing you joy, you roll your eyes and turn the phone over. She studies you and is thinking about the right comment to make.

You notice her entering the room. Amy has long black hair, dark eyes and is dressed in a maroon shirt with black slacks. She is wearing half boots with a shiny silver buckle. She sees you and displays a smile that makes you smile in return. Your eyes never leave her as she walks to her table. Clearing her throat, you are reminded that your best friend is with you. "Oh, I see Amy is here. Should we ask her over?" She's a new employee and someone you find mysterious. The way she looks at you is tempting.

Most of your life, you have been with men. Males are safe because the emotional attachment is not there. Is that why, a subconscious self-protection plan of not falling in love? Something to ponder. Your heart was broken only once and it was by a woman who was out of your league. You wonder if this is a trend destined to repeat itself. When does the lady get the beautiful girl at the end and ride off into the sunset? Since then, it has been just the physical need that has been satisfied. The emotional has been kept at bay. Until her. She has no idea how she affects you. She is the light of the sun and the glow of the moon. You are just a star in her system, shining bright and full of hopeless love that will not be returned.

Amy is using the wooden stick to stir her coffee. You watch as this feels like it is the most fascinating accomplishment in decades as she brings it to her lips. What is it about her that is so intriguing to you? She clears her throat once again and brings you mentally back to her. "Hello in there, remember me? You seem to be on a trip somewhere". She laughs but you think that was rather rude and snippy of her. She brings the coffee to her lips and you cannot help but notice the rings. Again. "Anyhow, you did not comment on my new sweater. There was a sale at Bloomingdales". It is a light gray v-neck three quarter length garment with the softest looking material that hugs her breasts as they overflow slightly out of the beige bra she is wearing. Yes, you noticed. You notice every thing about her. You are the woman of my dreams, this is not about lust. This is longing for what you cannot have. Is that why you crave her so? She is out of reach and yet sitting right across from you.

Her phone rings and she has to go. "We don't spend enough time together, just the two of us. Alone". Is she flirting with me? Your eyes follow her as she stands up and kisses your cheek softly. "Next time," she says. She looks over at Amy, almost as if to stake a claim. As she is walking away, your eyes follow her every move as your cheek burns in remembrance. You resist the temptation to stroke the area her lips kissed, you are not that hopeless after all. No.

Amy reaches for her bag and digs through the black article and produces a pen. On a napkin, she is writing something. You want to get her paper, how kind you are to help someone in need. She stands up and walks to the door, and as she is passing, the napkin is placed into your hand. The touch is warm and a spark goes through to your core. Unfolding the napkin, you have received a phone number and email address. This brings a smirk to your face, because you are wanted. Your heart is making its presence known again, as are the sweat glands in your hands. You are wanted, and it is a different feeling than with Mark.

The conflicting emotions that are coursing through body. What a day it has been, from the hardness of Mark pulsating inside you, to the exquisite feel of her lips on your cheek and now Amy. But wait, what is Amy? And Oh Shit, what am I going to do with her number? It's not that you lack confidence or know how to handle yourself, it is just an interesting unexpected turn of events. You are an attractive woman who carries herself with self-confidence on the inside, and you hope it shows on the out. Amy does not lack confidence either, and should I be insulted that she assumed I was into women? NO, that is not an issue. There is nothing wrong with being fluid. Love is love and lust is, oh …. And besides, she could just be wanting to make a new friend.

 **Hi, what are you doing later?** There, small talk sent and now sit back and wait. As your phone buzzes, **Robert is going out of town next week** greets you from her. Oh. Buzzing again, you throw your head back in laughter at Amy's response - **Hopefully you**. **Give me a time and address** , you write back. This is crazy, exciting and a little like a dream. She wants you, and it makes you chuckle. Maybe this is bad idea never pops into your brain. What could it hurt? She's beautiful and discrete, and the thought of her legs draped over your shoulders is enough to get the juices flowing. **Hey Babe, I can't come over tonight but I'll miss you. Mark.** Oh the Gods are smiling in your direction!

As you drive to Amy's condo, the anticipation of what is about to happen is starting to set in. If things go the way you have fantasied about all afternoon, it is going to be one hell of a night. Even though you have been having sex with Mark, you are unfulfilled. Mark, what are you going to do about him? He's a good man and is liked by your family. Thus far, no discussions have been held regarding the future it's way too soon for that. Just the word Future reminds you of her. Funny how the thought of sleeping with another woman both thrills and terrifies you. For now, it is your little secret. If it happens.

It is a high rise on the other side of town and locating parking is a bitch. The wind is chilly and you are thankful to be wearing the gray scarf that goes well with the zippered black leather jacket chosen from the closet. Finding the right combination needed to allow access, she buzzes you in. You are almost wanting to take the stairs to help burn off this nervous energy. Why nervous, no one knows you are here. Except for your heart and Amy's. What would your best friend say if she knew, would she care? Maybe she would want you to be happy.

Amy has a bird cage by the window overlooking the street. Taking off your jacket, you approach the bird. What's your name pretty bird? "You know, you look good in leather. It's a shame you took that off". You are enjoying her bluntness and give as good as you get. "Speaking of taking something off, " you say and smile in her direction. She moves closer and stops in front of you. "I think we have wasted enough time" and slowly leans in. Her lips on yours are a welcome change, a soft brush that flips your insides. You have missed the gentleness of a woman's touch and are in desperate need of her.

Pulling back, you open your eyes to see two closed ones. As she opens hers, she smiles. Yes, there is that tenderness that warms your heart. With an emotional force, you kiss and push her against the window. Is this what she feels like in your arms? No, don't let your mind go there, this is Amy. With an urgent need, you unzip her jeans and insert your hand inside her panties. Oh she is wet for you already. It is almost too much to bear, you remove your hand and discard her jeans. She begins to explore your mouth with her tongue and you feel the excitement run down your legs.

Pushing her down to the floor, removal of your shirt and bra and the rest of her clothes hurriedly takes place. You do not think you can salvage the panties at this point. Her hands come up to your breasts and firmly grasp their fullness before bringing them to her mouth. Her mouth is so warm and is driving you insane. Getting away, you push her legs apart and begin to kiss her slowly on the inside of her thighs. Looking deeply into her eyes, you grin as your tongue lightly touches moisture. Oh, she tastes so good as you begin to slowly tease her.

Later as you are driving home, you recall the last few hours spent in Amy's arms. The taste of her still lingers on your lips no matter how hard you tried wiping her off. She is a special lady and there's potential. Maybe Amy can be the one who helps free me from her. Will you allow it to happen? How can you make yourself steel the feelings you have and just be a best friend. Maybe it will happen.

 **I miss you already. Tomorrow?** Yeah, this is going to be good. It is time to buy Polly some crackers.


	6. Chapter 6

**Happy New Year! Thank you for reading my story and the kind remarks.**

Waking up alone, you cannot help but reminisce about yesterday. Getting to know Amy has been a real treat and it is nice to begin to have feelings for someone. Someone who may actually reciprocate, both with mind, body and heart. Oh heart. You smile at the thought of Amy and yet still hurt when you think of your best friend. Shaking your head, you realize that this ache for her may not ever go away and that is just a fact. Accept it, deal with it and move on. And for damn sure, enjoy the other people in your life.

Mark has been calling but your heart, actually more so your body, is more interested in Amy. There is still something about him that touches you. She touches you as well. How did you get two partners in such a quick timespan? Oh the hell with it, time to shower and get to work. Later you return Mark's text message and arrange for dinner in a few days. Either way, time alone is a good thing and should help to clear the feelings of encroachment that you still feel.

Entering the café, you see your best friend with her back to the door. You cannot help but stop and just admire the color and texture of her hair, and wonder how you can accidently fall into her so that her scent will be on you all day. Love sick, who would dare put that label out there. "Hey there, sorry that I am late". As you sit down, she glances up and smiles. "Well, you are worth the wait. Oh my, that's quite the love bite on your neck". Oh crap, you forgot in your haste of getting ready to cover it up. "Mark must have been quite tuned on", and you cannot help but blush.

As luck would have it, Amy chose that exact moment to walk in to the cafe. You look up as she leans against your shoulder to whisper into your ear. "I like seeing where my mouth was on you". OH, you felt that was a direct hit to your center. Amy sits down with one of her coworkers and smiles warmly in your direction. My face is hot from blushing and for the desire of this new woman, and I am amazed at how she can easily make me react.

I look up at my best friend and discover that I cannot read the expression on her face. You look into her eyes and believe that if she asks, time will stand still for her. You want to know what is going on behind those beautiful eyes, which now appear to be saddened. "Oh I see, that's not from Mark, is it?" Quietly as if ashamed to admit it, you respond "no it is not" while touching the tender spot on the neck. She slowly nods her head and reaches to her cell phone for her calendar. "Robert will be out of town from Sunday until Thursday. Can I please spend some time with my best friend, alone?" There is no mistaking the transformation that she is undergone within a few moments of seeing the interaction between you and Amy. She is quiet and withdrawn.

Needing a moment to self-compose, you grasp at the cell phone from your purse and open the calendar, and think about how you can push Mark again, and work around Amy's schedule as well. Since when are you so busy? What has become of your life that there are people who enjoy your company and want, no, seek out time to be together. "I would enjoy that as well. It's been a long time since we have really caught up". That almost sounded like a comment for a distant friend.

"Can I ask you something, do you know what you are doing? What are you running from?" This question from her does not come as a surprise, because you have asked yourself the same thing. Letting out a deep breath, you respond with "I am spending time with people and enjoying their company. What is wrong with that?" "Since when do you sleep around with anyone who catches your eye?!" Her voice is raised and the anger is apparent.

"Excuse me for trying to get on with my life!" There, you said it. This verbal pushback feels like a relief and yet she does not understand. She snaps her head back and asks you to explain. There is no explanation, you do not want to fight nor upset her any further. "I got to go, I'll see you later" and stand up to leave. "Please, just a moment. I am sorry if what I said hurt you. I just do not understand this transformation. Mark and Amy? Why Amy?" With that, you look into those orbs and for a moment, you are lost. Because I want you to find me, isn't it obvious? Today, you are the one who bends down to kiss her on the cheek while reminding to pull back and turn away. "I'll see you Sunday. Do you want to go out or cook in? Let me know."

That night, alone once more, her voice is replaying in your mind and it is hard to control the tears that are sliding down your face and wetting the pillow. What are you running from? She asked. I am running from the fact that I am in love with you and it is not returned. Do you know what that feels like? It is a mixture of joy and emptiness at the same time. Joy from when I am with you and emptiness when I remember you belong to someone else. This evening, you turned away offers from Mark and Amy so that you could curl up on the couch before crawling into an empty bed. The phone buzzes and it is a text from her. **I hope you are having a good time, I miss you. Xoxoxox** You weakly smile and text a response back **. I am alone tonight, thinking of you.** Well, it's the truth and you have to be honest. She responds with one word: **Sunday**.

Sunday does not come fast enough for you, as you feel are a nervous ball of energy like a mouse going after a dropped piece of cheese in front of a cat. She has asked you over for dinner and to watch a movie, just like old times. As you jog through the park, you try to remember which bottle of wine she asked you to pick up. "Hi there Beautiful!" Oh, it is Mark. "Hey, oh my gosh, it's nice to see you". You once told him how much you enjoy a spirited run on Sunday afternoons. Damn, why does today have to be the day to see him?

"Want me to come over for a quick not-so-quick shower when we are done?" There is no beating around the bush with this guy, and you should be flattered that he is still into you. But you are not. Today the mind is on someone else, and honestly, it always was. "Actually, I have some errands to run and then I am having dinner with my friend this evening". "Oh, the newly wed?" Ouch, yes you little prick, thank you for the salt in the wound. "Yes, that's the one" as you pick up the pace. He slows down, apparently getting the hint, and you continue to make your thighs burn. Run, get away.

You turn the key after running up the stairs and push the door shut. It is nice to be home, and you pop open a beer. It is almost 4:30 and your presence is required at 6. With beer in hand, you walk towards the closet and lay out the jeans and t-shirt for the evening. Oh yeah, she invited you to spend the night, so an extra t-shirt, shorts and toiletries also need to be packed. Shit, so much for having the rest of the afternoon to relax.

In the shower, you let the water flow over your hair and try to relax. There is no need to be nervous, this is your best friend after all. The heat feels good on your sore legs and you realize that your mind is starting to wander, along with your hand. First to the left breast and slowly squeezing before repeating the same journey to the right. Moving your hand downward, she is more vivid in your imagination as you feel the wetness she has no problems making you produce. Hmmmm, this is what you need after all. No more running.

"Thank you" she says after taking the bottle of wine and the flowers you just purchased. It is not a date, but you feel the need to bring her something to make her feel special. If she only knew what you did in the shower an hour ago, she would feel that indeed. "I will put the pasta in now, can you please slide the garlic bread into the oven?" She is wearing a dark blue sleeveless shirt with beige slacks and barefoot. Simple yet elegant and tasty, um tasteful. Tasteful, you remind yourself. She is your best friend and she is married. And not to you.

You watch her dressing the salad and sensing your stare, she begins to grin. "It has been a long time we had dinner here". You remember, "yes, since your wedding". "Yes" she says. You say that as a matter of fact, but the look on her face says she felt it as a jab to the belly. "Here, let me pour the wine".

After a lovely dinner, dishes put into the machine and started, it is time to relax. She has already made herself comfortable on the couch and has reserved a place for you at the end. You had not noticed that she opened up another bottle of wine and had filled up two glasses. As you sit down, she possessively puts her feet upon your legs and switches on the movie. "You wanted to watch this one, right?" "Yeah, sure" manages to escape your lips. All the feeling is centered on your legs as you feel her calves on your thighs. She pulls the blanket from the back of the couch and places it over you and her lower half. Somehow, this is also relaxing and you place your hands on the top of her ankles to hold her in place.

After the second glass of wine, you are feeling more relaxed. That run did you good, no, it was the shower that did you good. You look over at her and realize that she has drifted off to sleep. It is hard not to study her features, although you have ingrained them into memory. She looks so soft and at peace right now, it almost makes you want to take a picture. Alas, the bladder gets the better of you and it is time to move. You put your hands under her feet and slowly try to lift her legs. "Take me to bed". What did I just hear?

Startled, you shake her out of sleep which is annoying. She looks so lovely that it was a shame to wake her. And now, just awaking, she is taking your breath away. "Go on, I will lock up". As you ensure that the door is locked and make your way into the guest bathroom, she calls out for you. "Do you want to sleep in here tonight?" The idea of sleeping next to her touches you, but there is no way that you will enter the matrimony bed. That makes you ill at the thought. "No, I will be in the guest room" and go off to handle the nightly ritual of getting ready for sleep.

"Good night" you say and close the door. After taking another sip of water, you climb into bed. She always had good taste in choosing a mattress. The sheets are a nice shade of blue and it is very relaxing. It's been a long day, you think, as you close your eyes. The door opens and it is her. "Can I stay in here with you?" Oh yes, please God yes. For a life time, if only. You move over to the left side of the bed and throw the covers back to expose the right. She climbs in.

On your back, you can feel your heart beating and wonder if she can hear it too. It is almost deafening. Time passes and you begin to normalize your breathing. She reaches out and touches your hand. "Can I hold this?" she asks. Just the shyness of her asking makes a silly grin appear. "Yeah, sure". And this is how your evening ends, with fingers entwined and hearts together but separate.


	7. Chapter 7

Eyes 7

She heard the creek while walking down the stairs and wished you a good morning without looking up. Those eyes were fixated on her cell phone, as she was scrolling intently. You are disappointed in her reaction this morning after spending the night holding hands. What were you expecting, a declaration of love and forever? Silly girl, you should know better. After sitting down beside her, it is time to go through your emails. There is one from Mark that you prefer to read later and then one from Amy. Seeing her name in your inbox makes you smile.

Sensing a change in your mood, she looks up and smiles. It amazes you at how she can transform herself after a shower and look like she has the confidence and ability to achieve anything she sets her mind to. You wish you had that, although at times you do. "I slept very well last night, thank you for staying over." You also slept well and were disappointed when the alarm clock went off at 5:45am. Life starts too early for your taste. "Can you stay with me the rest of the week please? I am not used to being in this house alone anymore". The thought makes you smile, although you do not understand what type of message is being sent. Are you just someone to hold her hand, or is it you she wants to comfort her? You are not Robert's replacement, you wish you were more.

Looking at the schedule, you realize that this week is a good window of opportunity to be with her, so take advantage of that. But what does that mean? Less than one week together and then you return to your life and she goes back to her bedroom with Robert? The internal struggle is never ending. "Yeah, sure, I can do that. I just have to let Amy know". "Why do you have to let Amy know? OH, I see". The tone she says that is somewhat hurtful, but who is the person getting hurt? She has no right to feel slighted, just as you have no right to her. But you do.

You return to Amy's email and let her know that for the next few days, you will be spending it with your best friend in the evenings. There is a part of you that is excited to be with your friend, but you will miss spending time with Amy. It is not that you are greedy, it is just that Amy has touched a place inside of you that you felt was only reserved for your friend. It gives you a little hope that just may be you can move on with your life, and put her in a place that is where she should be – friend status. You ask Amy if she has any plans on Friday and let her know that you will be thinking of her. Robert should be back to his wife then as mixed emotions continue to swirl inside your heart.

She tells you that she will see you at work and suggests that you pack a larger bag for the next few days. She has that grin that suggests she is feeling herself as smug. Yes best friend, you can have me for a few days, and I will enjoy you and hold your hand as much as it is needed.

After packing additional clothes at home, you look around before leaving and feel the emptiness that is your dwellings. There are pictures and magazines on coffee tables, and that does provide warmth. It is missing a woman's touch, you decide. It is way too soon to think of Amy moving in and you are not sure if you could see her here. And with her place, it is nice but… No sense in thinking about a U-haul just yet. Why think about the future when you can barely handle the present? You text your best friend **Is there anything you need?** With that and bag in hand, you close the door. She responds with **Only you, I'm starving!** Oh, that makes you smile.

Tonight the menu consists of meatloaf, mashed potatoes and green beans. Just the simple act of mixing breadcrumbs in with barbeque sauce for the main dish and sharing a glass of wine makes you instantly relax. This is home, that is what the feeling is like. Unfortunately, this is temporary as you are the fill-in this week for Robert. She has been humming and laughing while pealing the potatoes. Is she like this with him as well? Of course, this is her and you are in their house. You wonder why you continue to go to that mental place that does not allow you to enjoy the moment. Let it go. Humm along with her and ask about her day.

After dinner, it is time for your favorite sports show. She allows you access to the remote control, even though she does not know who Mookie Betts or David Price is. She is just happy and content to be with you. This time, you are the one who is laying down on the couch and she has her hands on your socks. Ah, this is the life. If only it were mine. Glancing between the television set and your best friend, the eye exercise is making you sleepy. It is almost as if you do not want a miss a moment of this time with her, but it has been a long day. You cannot help but close your eyes and drift off.

You wake up disoriented, as it is completely dark and you feel Amy's head on your chest. No, that is your best friend. She has her head on your right shoulder with her left arm draped across your waist, her leg resting in the middle of yours. It feels so natural to be with her like this, as she fits perfectly beside and on top of you. Your right arm is holding her close to you and is more asleep than she is. As much as you wish to enjoy this tender moment, the new urgency of getting the blood supply back to circulating inside the arm, you try to wake her. "Come on, time to go upstairs". Instead of sitting up, she snuggles in closer with her face now resting on your breast. She starts to rub her nose on your nipple and you are wondering exactly how that bolt of lightning has not caught the couch on fire. Does she realize what she is doing?

"Hey, come on, we fell asleep and it's time to go upstairs". Oh gosh, please stop rubbing against my nipple. This time, a strong shake to her and she is now wide awake. "Oh, I'm sorry. You just looked so peaceful that I could not help but lay down beside you. I must have fallen asleep on my favorite pillow". She laughs, while you still feel your pulse beating inside your thighs. Did she just call you her favorite pillow?

She heads towards her bathroom while you go freshen up in the guest room. You are calming down after feeling her face nuzzling your breast and wonder if she is going to stay with you again tonight in the guest room. If the answer is no, then the answer is some serious self hand time is needed. You will make it hard on her and close the door, and this time she does not ask before coming into the room and your bed. She takes for granted that she is welcome and tonight, you need some alone time to take care of your now charged body.

"Hey, can't you sleep in your own bed?" you chuckle. "Yes, but I do not want to when I have you". This time, you face away from her and lay on your stomach. As if on cue, she rolls your way and places her leg over yours. Her arm lays over your back, the hand resting on your left shoulder. There is no doubt that you are indeed her favorite pillow, and there is also no doubt that it is going to be difficult to get some rest. You wonder why she just assumes that it is okay that she lays with you like this. But is it ok? You want to take a mental snap shot of this moment from up above and see the girl of your dreams wanting to be with you. She feels comfortable enough to mold her body against you, not seeking approval but demanding it. You are her best friend and she needs you now, tonight, for comfort. It really is ok to be her favorite pillow because that means you are hers.

You cannot help but groan as that damn 5:45am alarm goes off. She reaches over to turn it off and you feel her breasts brushing against your back. Oh what a way to wake up! Good morning sunshine, let me feel you on my face! "Rise and shine!" "Oh, I am up alright" yawning and missing the feel of her already. You have another day to look forward to, and another night of snuggling. Oh yes, you recall Amy and hope that you can be faithful to her for the next 3 nights. It has taken quite a bit of mental energy to quench the desire to take this beautiful woman who looks incredible after she wakes up. How does she do that, when you look like a train ran over your head?

"Do you want to shower first or should I go in? I guess we could always shower together" she laughs as she walks towards her bathroom. Falling back onto the bed, you cannot think of a better place to be than with her getting wet. Oh a cold shower will be in the works for you this morning! You listen as the water turns on, and then a thought occurs, now is the time as you slide your hand inside your panties. The thought of her in the shower with the mirrors fogging up isn't the only thing getting steamy. It does not take you long this morning, the arousal was there all night. You almost feel guilty about not thinking about Amy, but how could you? You want this woman that is your best friend, and that will not change.

She greets you downstairs with "good morning, you look refreshed. Are you ready to go?" Oh, you have no idea just how ready.


	8. Chapter 8

Eyes 8

Mid-day, we took to our normal meeting time in the café for coffee. My best friend was describing how she spent the morning troubleshooting an application that was needed for data to run a report; her eyes are so expressive when she gets emotional.

"Hello there, I have missed you" and her lips are suddenly on mine. After a friendly but not so friendly kiss, "Hello Amy, I missed you as well. Won't you join us please?"

My best friend mumbles something that I could not make out "C'est mon meilleur ami que tu viens d'embrasser. »

« Et elle est mon amour » Amy replied.

You were not sure what was going on, but by the tone of the voices, it seemed that this was an interesting conversation and probably about you. This does not make sense, as one woman is your best friend and the other is your girlfriend.

"I am sorry but I am meeting a colleague for coffee. I will see you on Friday night. Take care Chérie »

As you watch Amy walk away, you cannot help but feel the self-pride in knowing that this woman cares and she is yours for the taking. Oh, Friday night cannot come soon enough, she has been missed. Returning the line of sight back at your best friend, you sense a change in her immediately. She does not look amused. "By the way, what did you two say to each other? I did not know Amy knew how to speak in French. That was French, right?" "Yes, yes it was".

"Well, what did you to say? Come on, tell me". "We were both saying how happy we are to know and have you in our respected lives". She raises her cup and continues to slowly slip her coffee. She puts it down and stares into the milky goodness that is the nectar of the Gods, seemingly deep in thought. You turn to look in Amy's direction once more and look into her eyes. They are filled with lust and a wildness that you cannot wait to enjoy once more. Your best friend's eyes are filled with longing and sadness. Maybe she misses Robert, you sigh. Life is funny like that sometimes. "Can we go out to dinner tonight? I would like to try that new place on Boylston Street. It is Japanese." You are more than happy to take her away.

At the restaurant, she has more experience in Japanese cuisine than you do, and order she does. Your table is filled with yakitori, udon, sashimi, nabe and the lovely pickle dishes. Your contribution to the feast are bottles of Sapporo. The restaurant is filled with all walks of life, head down while eating. People are laughing and it is a jovial sound. This is nice and you are glad to be out and about.

"Can I talk to you about something?" She asks. Usually she does not ask, she just does. This perks your interest. "Of course" you say before taking a mouthful of beer. You prefer the bottle as opposed to the glass. She, on the other hand, prefers the glass and that fits how you define her, the perfect lady. "Robert wants us to start a family soon". Reaching for the beer again, this time more than a mouthful is required. "Oh really? That is exciting but what's the hurry? You just got married". She must feel the same because she has ordered you both another round of beverages. She sighs and says "Robert seems to be concerned that something will happen to cause me to rethink my commitment to him". She does not look at you as she answers, but is focusing on her glass of Sapporo. "I do not understand" is all you can muster at this point. "What is going on? You love and just married him. I stood beside you both as the vows were exchanged. Is he really that insecure?" This makes no sense to you.

"You".

"I'm sorry, what did you say?"

"You. He is concerned that, well. Let's just leave it at that, alright."

"No, wait a damn minute. You cannot start a conversation like this and just drop it. What the hell?!"

"Please?" This is just above a whisper. The waiter appears with the bill and she quickly grabs the black leather and searches in her purse for her wallet. She produces a gold credit card and hands both to the eager gentleman. Confused and not sure what to make of her admission, you attempt to look into her eyes. She looks down at her waiting wallet as you search her face for an answer to the question. What does this mean?

The waiter brings back the bill and it is time to leave the restaurant. She rises from her chair and is walking to the door without regard if you are following her. Of course you are. Once outside, she stops quickly, so much so that you come very close to bumping into her. "Can we go to the dance club next door? I want another drink". And before you can stop her, she begins to head in that direction.

After showing the bouncer the mandatory identification that you are both, in fact, over the legal drinking age, you head to the bar. The music is rather loud and the bar is fairly crowded. There is one seat left and now she is on it. She asks the dark haired bartender with the tattoos and bulging biceps for two Blue Moons. "Here's my card, please keep the tab open. Thank you". It is almost like you are not there, as she has completely shut herself away from whatever is going on. She has no problem quickly finishing her beer, and you are just half way through with yours. "What's wrong, can't you keep up?" she challenges.

Okay, fine. She asks for two chilled shots of Patron from the bartender who is flashing his eyes in her direction. Her cheeks have turned a lovely shade of rose' and her eyes are coming back to meet yours. "What shall we toast to?" she asks. Oh, I think to myself, getting through this night.

"Bartender, another round of shots please". You know that you can hold your liquor better than she can; however, at this pace, it does not matter as both of you are drunk. When she begins to raise the next shot to her mouth, you put your hand on hers to keep it on the bar. "Hey, slow down okay!"

"Everyone keeps telling me what to do. When I am going to be allowed to do what I want?!" This surprises you, especially hearing the tone in her voice. It is between anger and sarcasm, you cannot decide which is more dominate. "Well," you ask "what do you want to do then?" She quickly finishes her shot and says "Dance with me" and grabs your hand to lead you to the dance floor.

The song is a fast techno type, one of which you normally do not care for. But tonight, she's in front of you and dancing as carefree and sexy as you've ever witnessed. The ceiling lights are turned down and strobes are highlighting the air. There are men and women dancing together, bumping and grinding. You do spot a few women dancing together, as well as men and is perfectly accepted. It strikes you as odd that at 10:00pm the place is as crowded for a Wednesday night. Two more nights together.

She raises her arms and is dancing closer to you. There is a look in her eyes that you wish you could put a finger on its description as a mixture of freedom and abandonment. She is gorgeous and your best friend, and you want to let her be as carefree as she can. You will protect her and ensure her safety, as there is some guy at the bar looking over at the two of you. She's mine, you think, and try to convey that with your eyes.

The song ends and is replaced by a slower tune; at this point, it makes sense to head back to the bar. She grabs your hand and molds her body to yours. "I still want to dance with you" she says in your ear, causing shivers to cascade down the spine. She has her arms wrapped around your neck while you place your arms around the back of her waist. You have never danced with another woman like this before and are secretly glad that she is your first. If you heard correctly, she is humming to the tune. You close your eyes and pray that time stands still. She's in your arms and that is right where she wants to be. You would not have it any other way.

The feel of her against you is so comforting and yet your heart is racing. You wonder what she is feeling as she leans in closer to you. It is a good thing that your legs are strong and able to support the both of you. You thoroughly enjoy the sensation of swaying with your love, eyes closed and shutting out the world. This song better last you for the rest of your life. She leans her head against yours and is beginning to rub the back of your neck. This isn't what two friends do, this is more than that. Can she feel that as well? Leaning in, you cannot resist kissing the side of her head as tenderly as possible. This is almost too good to be true. Dear sweet Lord, please let it!

As time has not stood still, the song comes to an end and the next techno number begins. As if making the decision together, neither of you break apart from your slow dance. You focus on her warmth and the feel of her breasts against yours, so soft, as she kisses the side of your head. As you begin to pull back to look at her, she keeps her head snuggled against yours. She leans down and lightly kisses the side of your neck. That causes you to moan in shock and excitement. Did she just really do that? You tighten your grip on her to reinforce the behavior and as if to plead to keep your lips right there.

She starts to lick up and down the side of your neck, slow and sensually. This is too much for you to handle as a gush of wetness is now soaking your panties. You remember where you are and push her away from. She looks at you with drunken eyes filled with desire, as you realize that the world has stopped turning. Your best friend looks down from your eyes to your lips and leans in slowly to kiss you.

The feel of her lips on yours is soft at first, almost afraid of shattering the experience. As your mind has taken a leave of absence, your mouth has given her access and she has greedily inserted her presence. You cannot help but puller her closer to your body as your tongues explore each other's mouth. The kiss was long overdue and there is reluctance from either of you to be the one to break it. Alas, you do.

Foreheads meeting, you are afraid to open your eyes because doing so will mean that the moment is over. You feel her beginning to laugh and open them anyways. She is looking at you lovingly and with a tenderness that melts your heart. Is this truly for me? "Wow" is the word that comes from your lips. It was so much more than that, but right now, this is all you can come up with.

Her response is simple and yet so excitingly complicated. "Take me home".

….To Be Continued.

 **C'est mon meilleur ami que tu viens d'embrasser =** **That is my best friend you just kissed**

 **Et elle est mon amour = And she is my lover**


	9. Chapter 9

Eyes 9

The drive home has you keeping a tight grip on the steering wheel and avoiding the oncoming headlights. First, there was too much tequila and second her hand is on your thigh tracing circles. You try to focus on the road and the traffic, as it would be embarrassing to get a ticket when you are in this condition. And what condition is that? Shock, amazed and disbelief due to the fact that your best friend just kissed you and wants to be taken home because she wants you. You.

She is playing with the radio and finds a song that she begins to dance to. You love this side of her, the carefree, almost child-like girl as she is moving to a tune you have never heard; it makes you wonder if she is still feeling the effects of the massive amounts of alcohol she consumed. That thought reminds you that this is a very tricky situation and surprisingly one that you do not want to be in. Be strong, oh heart of mine.

As you pull up into her driveway, her hand begins to travel higher than before. You look over at her and smile as you still see the desire still in those beautiful eyes. She is desiring you, and you should be on cloud nine. You want her so badly and are battling within yourself thinking what harm would it do if it would happen only once. But how could you move on and forget her afterwards? And more importantly, what about your friendship? Could she forgive herself for acting as a horny pubescent teenager, with such amazing breasts and legs that you long to feel around your waist. Now who is the horny pubescent teenager?

You turn off the car and remind her that we are home. Ah, but it is not we, it is she. You do not live here with her and the reality of that fact is enough to act as a cold shower. Damn, it does suck to be a responsible adult. Being the sober one, you help her out of the car and she immediately clings her body to yours. "Come on beautiful, let's get you inside". You reprimand yourself for calling her anything but best friend. But it is so difficult when she is wrapped around your body and walking beside you like she is yours. And that kiss from earlier is still fresh in your mind.

You put the key in the door and usher her inside. After turning on the light switch, you open the refrigerator and produce a bottle of water for her. "Here, drink this to stay hydrated" you say. "I know what would make me feel better and it is not the water from this bottle" she says seductively. You cannot help but laugh, she is adorable in every way and especially as a not so sloppy drunk who is trying to get you to pay attention to her. You decide to pull out a chair and sit down, because you yourself need some stability from standing, and it is not because of the alcohol. Oh what you would do to have another drink right now, but you need to muster all the resolve you have for this situation.

She senses a change in your demeanor and sits down in her own chair while drinking the offered water. You have no idea what to say to her right now and hope that she takes the lead towards the path of salvaging the friendship you cannot live without. She is looking into your eyes like she is searching for your soul. It is in there, it is just really hurting right now with the thought of losing her. You return her gaze and try to show as much tenderness and love that you have for her.

"Hi", you say as if slowly dipping your toe into ice cold water.

"Hi back". Ok, that is a good start.

"So, what's new?" You exchange a look and break the tension with a bit of laughter. "Ok, so never mind responding to that". This is your best friend and you will move heaven and earth to protect her, although the thought never occurred that you would be the one to protect against.

"Look, can we just call it a night and go to bed? Let's talk tomorrow please because I can't do so tonight" She is sounding like her old sober self now and you cannot help but exhale with relief. Obviously you have been holding your breath and feel better.

"Yeah, sure, that sounds like a good idea. I'm beat". I say with relief and this is a good sign, right?

As you each rise and head towards the stairs, you feel much relief and yet sadness at the same time. You close the door to the guest bathroom and splash cold water on your face. This night has been very emotional and you are very much looking forward to getting some rest. Your hope is that your best friend will go back to her bedroom and you will most certainly stay in the guest room alone.

"Good night", you call out and quickly close your door. All you want is a soft pillow to snuggle up to and a chance to replay the night in slow motion when she enters the room. Closing your eyes tightly, you are hoping you continue to have the strength to put up this brave adult front that you wish you had. There is only so much self-control that you possess, and right now it is taking all that you have to use it.

She wastes no time in climbing into the bed and sliding beside you. Your resolve is being tested tonight and the evening does not seem to be over just yet. She assumes the normal position of leg on top of yours, arm around the waist and head on your shoulder. Ok, this you can handle as you circle her back with your arm. After a few minutes, you realize that your shirt is getting wet with her tears. At that, your resolve breaks.

You kiss her on the forehead and reassure that you will always be there for her. Your eyes can no longer hold back the tears as well. The frustration of being able to kiss her an hour ago and now just being able to hold her while she cries. You would give this woman the world if you could, and if only you were allowed to do just that. You want her to have your world, as she already has your heart. Wondering how much of hers do you have? Oh to know that answer to that question right now. Was it the alcohol that lead her on, the commitment of children with Robert or was it you that led her to display her feelings?

You cannot help but hold each other tighter, as if sensing that this may be the end of what could have been. "I love you, I hope you know that" and despite being music to your ears, your heart is now tone deaf. It is breaking. In order for her to make a decision, she has to make a choice and she has done that by marring someone else. It is not you.

"I love you" is all that you can say. You do not say this lightly and never have in your life. "Let me just hold you tonight and we will talk tomorrow, ok?" That makes logical sense to say and she agrees with that. She loosens her grip and is more gentle now with her touch, almost child-like. The smell of her hair is one you hope to never forget, along with how she fits together with your taller body. How is this so right and yet not able to last forever? At last, her breathing is slow and she stills as sleep has finally overcome her. Tonight, you will stay awake and just hold her in your arms while trying to keep the tears at bay.

The morning comes and she begins to stir by your side. You were able to get at least an hour or two of sleep and actually feel pretty good. The room is starting to brighten and your thoughts turn to a promising day. It is the last one alone with your best friend before her husband comes home, and this feeling will be over. Actually, the feeling will still be there, just not able to act upon it. How will last night change the course of your relationship, you cannot help but wonder.

She stretches her arm above your head and yawns into her other hand. You realize that she has taken off her rings. "Good morning" she says. Oh why does this woman still look amazing after waking up? As if last night's memory comes rushing back, she says "oh damn" and covers her face. "I am so sorry about last night. Can we talk about what happened please? I do not want to lose you, and I do not want to lose us".

"How could you think that you would ever lose me? I am your best friend and I love you". Damn, why did you have to throw out those three words again?

"Can you call out today so that we can spend it together and really talk about us? Please?" she pleads.

Your eyes close, and you are fighting a rush of emotions that her vulnerability just caused you to feel. All you want to do is roll over onto this woman and make her your own. You have to think about the people who are involved in both of your lives and show restraint. It is so difficult when she is like this and right there beside you. Time is a very precious resource to you both at the moment and must be used wisely.

"Yes, I agree and think we need today" you say. This makes you begin to shake, both out of excitement and sheer terror with the possibilities of the future. Are you strong enough handle whatever is decided if she chooses to walk away from your friendship and your life? After all, she has made the commitment to Robert, and you have a date with Amy to look forward to at the end of the week.

"We need today to figure out our tomorrow."

 **A/N: Thank you for reading, you have no idea of the joy your comments have given me. The next chapter, I will try to have more intense dialog. It has to go there, there has to be a path forward for our two love birds that are in separate cages.**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Thank you so much for the kind reviews!**

Eyes 10

After agreeing to meet downstairs in half of an hour, you each retreat to the respected bath room to shower. The morning has not started off too awkward; however, your shoulders are extremely sore due to the conflicting emotions coursing through your body in the past twelve hours. The hot water is going to feel like a slice of heaven on the physical aches and pains. As far as the emotional aches, that is a far different story. You feel fairly confident that you and your best friend have shown each other a glimmer of what feelings have been going on behind the curtains of your souls. There is so much to discuss today and you have decided that the best approach is to listen more than speak. It is not that you are not willing to commit, you are just unsure and how deeply she feels and wants this.

In the shower, you attempt to push all thoughts aside and just concentrate on the water. Closing your eyes, all you can see is what you saw last night when she kissed you at the dance club. Has it really been that long ago that she kissed your neck and then planted one on your lips? You cannot help but giggle, more so at the irony of that moment, because you were always afraid that you would make the first move and be subsequently rejected. When she made the move, you were shocked and awed. And now you have to figure out what path forward she wants to take. Once again, the feeling of being in this situation that is out of your personal control is frustrating as you are a bystander to your own future, with your best friend making all the decisions.

"Damn it! This is not fair". But you are getting ahead of yourself, and remember that you have the entire day together to talk, to learn about each other's thoughts and feelings. This is far from over, and you also have a say so, a voice in this mess. Instead of relaxing, your tension is increasing. Let the water relax you, after all, you are going to need to be at your best to sort this out.

The image of her in the shower just mere rooms away enters your mind. You picture her slender naked body using soap to lather the suds on her beasts as the water cascades over her nipples. Maybe it is the time for some self-romance to calm your nerves. OH, if only you were behind her. You would push her long hair to one side and place your mouth on her shoulder and neck. One arm would be wrapped around her torso with your hand cupping a breast, the other moving over her hip area towards the center. She would lean back into your front and then you'd turn her around to forcefully kiss….. No wait, this is not how to relax. Stop thinking of what you could possibly have in case she takes it away from you. You sigh, damn it. So close and yet so far.

After dressing in a pair of jeans and a charcoal sweater, you descend the stairs and find her seated at the bar in the kitchen. Dark jeans and a green buttoned blouse fit her like a super model. She looks refreshed, hair slightly damp with no makeup. This is how you like her, simple and yet simply breathtaking. It is difficult to resist the urge to bend over to kiss her, but instead you pick up the mug she has left on the counter and fill it with coffee. "Hi, sorry my shower too longer than half an hour", you apologize to her. "That's quite alright, I had to release some tension myself. I just came down". Oh shit, your mind instantly goes back to the vision you had of her in the shower, except your hand is replaced by hers. Maybe she was just talking about the hot water? Oh this was indeed going to be a long day.

Gathering your thoughts, you decide to suggest "Hey, why don't we go out for breakfast this morning? It looks nice outside. What do you think?" In your mind, it is better to get away from the shower, the bedroom, the counter, the floor, and oh the endless possibilities that are within reach. You attempt to keep the mood light and she seems to welcome the idea of leaving her home.

At the restaurant, you decide to order a bloody mary simply because it is your day off and a little keep wouldn't hurt. She smiles and orders the same. While you play with the celery stick, you wait for her to begin talking. Apparently she is doing the same because the table is still silent. Two best friends beating around the celery stalk as if it were a bush, oh that is almost laughable. Breakfast comes and you welcome the bacon and fried eggs with wheat toast. This is good hangover food, although you are not hung over from last night. Well, maybe emotionally. You reach for the strawberry jelly. She has an order of scrambled eggs with vegetables and dry rye toast.

There is not much conversation while eating breakfast, and you are wondering if she knows what she wants to say. The small talk has been about the weather and that new theatre you two double-dated a while ago. That seems like a lifetime away, or at least as you now deem to call it Before She Kissed Me. This causes the corner of your mouth to smirk and fight off a smile. Your best friend kissed you and she wants you. Or wanted you. Damn.

She lets you pay for the meal and as you are walking out of the restaurant, she asks if we can go to the park and talk. This is your favorite park and it feels like a comforting place to discuss the future. The drive over is fairly short; however, your leg begins to bounce. So much for the relaxing bloody mary earlier working to calm your nerves. She notices and places her hand on your arm. "It's ok, I am nervous as well" she says. You glance over and see those beautiful eyes that you love looking into yours. It will be ok.

After parking, you spot a bench over across the pond and point in that direction. "Let's head over there, shall we?" You put your hands in your pockets, it is a nervous habit that you have. Contain and make yourself smaller, you will not get hurt. You are like a turtle with its head peeking out, as you think that is a better thought than an armadillo rolled up into a self-protecting ball. You chuckle as your mind wanders away from the task at hand. Any excuse to mentally escape, if only for a moment.

Finally at the bench, she sits down and watches the swans in the water. There are seven of them and you wonder if they are male or female, what's the odd duck out? You cannot help but compare the lonely swan to yourself. You believe it to be female as you watch her gracefully gliding along the water's edge. Underneath, she is paddling furiously. Isn't that you right now? You sit beside your best friend and face your knees towards her direction, putting your clasped hands between your thighs. Please go first, as you do not know what to say.

Looking up, she says a simple hello and smiles. Yes, you are both nervous and unsure where to begin. "Where do I begin?" she says. "Well, how about the beginning."

"Robert" she sighs. Letting out a deep breath, she goes on. "When I first started dating Robert, I thought I had a chance of feeling like a normal person. He is handsome, treats me well and makes me laugh. At the time, it helped me to focus on him and forget about these feelings I have for you. When he proposed, I was excited and finally believed that someone would love me for me, with all my quirks and that I, in turn, could love him back. I tried to compartmentalize our friendship and put you out of my mind. And he wants children already. That scares me as I do not want any additional commitment to anyone else. It is not working, as I now realize that I cannot forget you." You do not want to interrupt her, as you are unsure what you have to say in return.

She pauses and you wait. "Can you please tell me how you feel about me?" she asks. The question makes you nervous, as you are unsure of how much to divulge about how you would move mountains just to ease her path.

Wiping the sweat from your hands onto your jeans, you begin. "Thank you for starting this conversation, I know it must be difficult for you as it is for me." That seems like a good start and is honest and from your heart. "You are my best friend and I do not want to lose you. I am terrified that you will run away from us and I will be left to pick up the pieces by myself. I want to ask if you are in love with me, but I am afraid of the answer. No wait, I am afraid of the answer being no". You end your thought with a little more force with the last sentence. You search her eyes and realize you have not really answered her question. Find the courage to continue.

"When you kissed me last night, I felt all the stars in the sky falling down on me. It was a beautiful feeling and one that I hope I get to experience again. With you." There. You are shaking because you are finally telling this woman that she means everything to you. You never thought the day would arrive, and here it is. And thus far she has not run away.

She stands up and walks over to the edge of the pond. You are somewhat confused by this reaction and are unsure how to proceed. You give her a moment to collect her thoughts, as yours are all over the place. What could she be thinking?

She turns around and has a grin on her face. "Do you love me?" she asks, almost too quietly.

It now seems to be the moment of truth. Taking a deep breath, you try to contain a sob while saying "with all heart and until my dying day, yes". The tears that have been welling in your eyes have overflowed and are streaking down your face.

She walks back over to you, puts her hands on the side of your face and wipes the tears away with her thumbs. She is crying now as well and you wonder if now is the time to do so, yes it is. You lean in and softly kiss the girl of your dreams. It is better than the one that you remembered last night.

As you touch forehead to forehead, you both giggle as relief sweeps over. Here you are standing in the park with the woman that occupies your heart. You do not seem to care that you are both two women and maybe this is not a good idea to express such in public. To hell with them, that is a battle for another day. Today's victory is sweet!


	11. Chapter 11

Since the weather was nice, you decided to take your best friend to walk around the shops at the waterfront. After the emotional conversation in the park, the drive over was quiet with each of you reflecting on what the other has confessed. There is a part of you that wants to reach out and hold her hand, and that is when you notice that she is playing with the engagement and wedding rings on her finger. Despite the conversation, there are many things still very much in the air that need addressing. Part one is over, at least you hope.

The sun is high in the sky and reflecting off the water, seagulls are flying about and the atmosphere is calm. It is just a perfect day to spend with her, the lady that occupies your heart, and you hope she can feel the calmness as well. People are mulling about, as you go in and out of the little shops just browsing the merchandise for sale. You consider buying a trinket as a way of a reminder of this day. So much has happened that you believe it is one to remember for a lifetime.

It brings joy to watch her browsing items and every once in a while, she will glance up at you and smile. Her face, however, shows evidence of concentration and concern. You wish you could read her mind, but you are still afraid of what is being thought. Is she thinking about you or is she pondering over how to handle Robert?

Your own thoughts go towards Amy, and that leaves you feeling guilty. Amy does not deserve a woman in her life who is essentially treating her as a fuck buddy while in love with someone else. It is a shame that in order to be happy, other people have to be hurt in the process. This was certainly not your intention when you first started dating her, and truth be told, you do have feelings for her. How could you not? There is just a part deep inside of you that will always run to your best friend, the one who has recently kissed you multiple times.

As it is now late in the afternoon, she tells you she is hungry and would like to try the fish market for at least an appetizer. You get a table by the window and the view is of boats pulling into and out of the harbor. This is very relaxing and she orders a bottle of Chenin Blanc to help celebrate the morning's declaration, or so you thought was the reason. You were hoping to see her look back at you with nothing but love and adoration, and instead she looks like she is mentally a hundred miles away. An uneasiness is beginning to creep up on you about the rest of the day.

After placing an order for the sampler appetizer, the waiter brings the wine and pours it into your awaiting glasses. She immediately reaches for hers and takes a healthy swallow and you decide to follow suit. "Oh, this is a good choice" you say and she smiles in return. You never will have to doubt her ability when it comes to choosing the perfect beverage. "Should we make a toast?" you ask.

She looks between you and the glass of wine, and says "Here's to breaking peoples' hearts" and takes another sip. Finding that odd, especially since she did not clink glasses, you inadvertently cock your head to the side. "That wasn't quite what I was going for, but cheers?" you say and take a sip.

"I did not find that amusing in the very least" she says sternly. Oh Damn, this is not going as well as you had hoped. "I was only kidding, trust me. Come on" you say. This is no time for jokes, but unfortunately you have a habit of putting your foot in your mouth from time to time. Apparently this is one of those times. She gives you The Look, which you believe means that you should know better than that. Too bad it was not the come hither look. Oh my, that would be too much to handle on what you consider your perfect day.

"I do not know what I should do" she begins. Wait a minute, didn't she just confess her love for you this morning? "I want you, but I wish I did not want you" she adds. "My life would be so much simpler if I could just be the normal wife and love my husband with all of my heart. We are a couple, man and wife, but now I know that I cannot get away from my feelings for you". You reach for your wine and wonder how many bottles are left in stock at the bar.

As much as you understand her feelings and point of view, you cannot help but feel like an option to her instead of the love of her life. You yourself would do anything to be with her; she, in turn, well, you just have to wait and see. This is still all very new and she has to be the one to make the decision, and it sucks because once again, you do not have control. How ironic to be an adult and not have control over your own life?

The food gets delivered and you request an additional bottle of wine. You take another sip, gulp of wine in hopes of calming this feeling of your perfect day slipping through your fingers. She really did order well, you must admit. It is easy to have your thoughts drift to other topics, because it is easier than dealing with the one at hand.

"How are you feeling?" she asks. This surprises you because for this most part, this has been about her since arriving at the restaurant. "Well truthfully, I don't really know what to think or feel. One moment, I believe you love me and want to be with me, and the next you are telling me you do not want to want me. What the hell, and what am I supposed to think?" you blurt.

"I am sorry. I am not trying to hurt you, I do love you. I just need a bit of time to sort out what I should be doing next" she says.

Feeling like the impatient ass that you are, you reassure her that you are there for her and will give her what she needs. What you need. "I know this is going to be difficult for you, I get it, but please know that I am here for you and will try my best to do whatever it takes to get through this. I have my own personal relationships to sort out as well". That was very mature of you to say, and hopefully will be as easy to live it.

The waiter returns with the new bottle and takes the empty one away. The seafood was delicious and quite frankly at this point, your appetite is gone. You feel that the tension has lifted a bit from her and that relieves you. Unfortunately now, it is all on your shoulders. You sense the internal battle you will have with yourself coming on, and want to delay its arrival at least for another day. Today is your perfect day, after all.

"Just remember, I am here if you want to talk, ok?" you say.

"Thank you for being so understanding. How could I not help but be in love with you?" This makes you smile. Yeah, that's it. Turn on the charm and be a loving girlfriend.

She says, "I have a question, if you do not mind me asking. Do you find it easy to think of being in an intimate type of relationship with a woman?" Now that is a question and one that you have pondered previously in your life.

Taking another sip of wine, you think of the choice of wording before responding. "Being in a same sex relationship, at least for me, feels natural. That being said, there are times that I wish society would be as accepting of a same sex couple as heterosexual people. Sometimes I wish I could walk down the street and not feel shy about holding your hand. Now, I will wonder what you are thinking and if you are noticing other people staring at us. I am not one to get all political and I really do not follow the causes, I am just telling you how I feel".

"People tend to think stereotypically that this feeling is just all about sex, and that is not true. It is about how you feel on the inside, what makes you happy and fulfils an empty void." She has been quietly listening to you expressing your thoughts, nodding on occasion and thinking about what you said. "And, by the way, the sex isn't so bad either" you say while winking at her.

Ok, foot in mouth.

She laughs at the last part while shaking her head. She looks at you seductively while saying "should we have dessert?" The sun is setting and the afternoon is coming to an end. Tonight is the last night before Robert comes home and you will be banished back to your place.

When the waiter comes by, you order a slice of key lime pie to share. "I would love to have dessert with you", you say. Minutes later, the waiter brings the pie with two small forks to the table. Enjoy ladies, he says. She seems to be in a better place now, and you hope that your responses made her understand who you are and what potential challenges may be ahead.

Even though you have concerns over what is going to happen in the future, you decide that enough has transpired today and leave your questions for another time. It has truly been an overwhelming day from start to finish, and fortunately it is not over yet.

"Let's get out of here and head home". Home, not yours but hers and, for the moment his. As much as you do not want to do it, you cannot keep thoughts of Robert at bay. "We have tonight left until he comes home" she says. You notice that she does not say his name. Maybe if she doesn't, he will not be real. But he is and you hope and pray that she has the strength in her to meet whatever challenges that comes with breaking up.

You just realize that you are assuming that she will end her relationship with him. Has she said that she would?


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Thank you all so much for the feedback. This is kinda fun, yes?**

Driving back to her home, you are looking forward to relaxing the rest of the evening. It has been an emotional day and yet there are some things that are not settled. How are we proceeding forward? There is a part of you that just wants to ask what and when step two is going to begin. Step two, in your mind, is ending the current relationship she is in with Robert and then go from there. You are torn with wanting to know the future or just enjoying the rest of the evening.

Pulling up to her house once again, you attempt to keep it light and say "Here we are!" She looks your way and you can see the mixture of wine, relief and stress showing on her face. The best part of her, well, she actually has many best parts, but this one is how her emotions play on her face. You want to reach out, cup her face and reassure your best friend that it is going to be ok, and you will wait as long as necessary to be with her. The end goal, of course, is to have one another for the rest of your lives. At least that is yours, and you hope hers as well.

She hands the keys to the door to you as she says "Can we just relax on the couch for a while before going to bed?" That sounds like music to your ears and you respond with "Yes, I am sure there is a fabulous documentary about something on some channel somewhere." To this, she laughs like she always does with her best friend - that is you. "Why don't you go upstairs and put on comfy clothes while I open a bottle of wine for us". You do not mean this as a way of settling the romantic mood, but as one who has also had a long day. She whispers a thank you and heads upstairs to her shared bedroom with him.

It has been a long day, as you reach for two wine glasses and a bottle of something red. You read the name on the label and laugh at yourself, all you know that it is red and she likes it; therefore, it works for you. And it must be good because it is not a screw top. Well, it could be worse, you could be drinking out of a Pringles container at Walmart as that would be a bad thing. Maybe then you would be famous, who knows. There's always tomorrow.

She descends down the staircase in a long sleeved dark blue shirt with a matching set of lounge pants. It amazes you how simple and yet breathtaking she can look with no effort. Just looking at her warms your heart. "Your turn, go change and meet me on the couch." Well, there is an offer not to be refused.

Upstairs in your room, there is evidence of dirty laundry and a few pieces that are clean. This is a reminder that your time alone with her is almost up and the sands of time are still traveling in a downward direction. Oh, and what a time it has been. You have been able to admit so much to each other and finally get your feelings out into the open. In turn, she has confessed to you her feelings and difficulty in forgetting you. Well, at least you are memorable and that is a good thing. As you exit the room and head for the staircase, you pass by their room. Unfortunately, it is not past tense.

Downstairs, you find her on the couch with the throw blanket and the two glasses filled. It is a sight you want to see every night for the rest of your life. There is a warmth and yet a feeling of insecurity inside of you, always the internal struggle to allow yourself to believe that this is real and permanent. She is yours, at least for now as the best friend you are in love with and she knows it. She feels the same, she said. It makes you smile, but it would make you smile a lot more if you knew the future or at least the path forward to obtain the future. Who said the future is now? Someone impatient probably.

You sit beside her and she hands you a glass. The lights are low and some animal documentary is on. For once, you are fine with the topic on television and wonder if she would be caught dead watching a sports version. That is ok with you for now, you got her. You are sitting very close to her, so much so that your thighs are touching. Maybe it is the wine or maybe it is the blanket, but you are indeed most snuggly warm and happy to just sit here. She looks at peace and will glance at you from time to time while smiling. It is almost like she is happy to see you are still with her after all this time. Every once in a while, she will comment on some aspect of the featured segment's animal and is surprised that you do not know these facts. She likes to teach you things, and oh what you would like her to learn from you.

She nudges you to lay down on the couch and moves in front of you so that you are spooning. She may be a few inches shorter than you are, but it just seems to fit so naturally. You place your right arm over her waist and she grabs your hand to hold it close to her chest. Ah, this position is quite fine with you, thank you very much. As a matter of fact, in no time, you are fast asleep as is she.

The morning comes quickly, too quickly in fact for the both of you. You would like to lay there just a little while longer, but she seems determined to get up and start the day. Fine, you think, and kiss her on the neck. Her neck feels so good against your lips, and you could kick yourself for tempting you both. One day and hopefully that day will be soon, there will be no interruptions. "Good morning. Let me start the coffee and take a shower" she says. You look at your cell phone while she heads upstairs to bathe.

This morning, you unfortunately have an early morning meeting and have to get to work at a decent time. After a quick shower and last minute packing, you are drying your hair and trying not to let the feeling of doubts and insecurity creep into your mind. You spent a wonderful evening watching television and then sleeping with your girl in your arms. What more could you ask for, other than forever?

She has beat you downstairs and is in the kitchen pouring the coffee. She is wearing a light gray spaghetti strapped blouse along with dark gray slacks, the pink colored sweater is staged over by her purse for the final piece of her ensemble. You cannot help but study the way her hair falls over her shoulders and down her arms. The sun is shining through the window and you could have sworn you are in the presence of an angel. Your eyes focus on the left strap of her shirt as you wonder what it would feel like to slip it down her arm and slowly kiss your way along her shoulder until you reach her neck. Your right arm would press her backside firmly into you, while your hand reaches up to her left breast. The feeling of her nipple between your fingers is so achingly real that you forgot to move towards your awaiting cup of coffee. "Hey, you are going to be late for your meeting if you do not hurry" she says and breaks you from your fantasy of her. Good thing she is not a mind reader, or is it? What would she think if she knew moments ago where your thought was.

The door knob turns and in walks Robert. "Hey babe, I missed you!" he says as he walks towards your wife. His wife, not yours, his. He kisses her on the lips, a little too long for your taste. "Hey, how are you?" he greets you.

"Robert, you are home early. I was not expecting you until later" she says.

"I took an earlier flight so that I could come home to my gorgeous wife who I missed".

As this is enough to turn your stomach, it is a good time to make your way into the office. It is a good thing you were already packed and had your suitcase downstairs ready to go. You look at your best friend and can see the torn look on her face. She is happy to see her husband and yet sad to see you go. To make matters worse, Robert leans over and kisses her on the shoulder that you were just thinking about kissing yourself. That felt like a punch in the stomach.

Clenching your teeth, you tell her you will see her later in the day at work. She says to make time to go to lunch together, and that helps ease your thoughts. You look into each other's eyes, and with unspoken words, turn to go to work.

Later that day, she arrives at the office. You have been at your desk at least 3 hours taking care of odds and ends, hoping the time would pass quickly until you saw her again. You look up and immediately notice that she has switched clothes and is now wearing a maroon shirt with dark slacks and heels. She is still a vision of beauty and tenderness, but there is something in her eyes that are sad. You want to ask, but on second thought you already know the answer. "Do you still want to go out to lunch today?" she asks. He eyes are searching yours for an answer, and for multiple questions.

In this moment, you wonder how a beautiful morning of waking up together on the couch could go from that to somewhat the walk of shame in different clothes in just a few short hours. It is almost like a truth slap, a reality of ice water thrown on your back that is jarring and yet not without being foretold.

She enters your personal space and asks almost in a whisper "what are we going to do?" Tears have welled up in her eyes, as the tears have welled up within yours. You want to grab her hand and run away towards the door and never look back. Damn it, she is yours but when the hell is she going to be only yours? The lump in your throat makes it difficult to speak, however, you say "how about we make it another day? I've got more paperwork to complete and I want to leave early".

"Oh" she disappointingly says. You are disappointed as well. She turns to leave and you ask her to wait. "Can we go tomorrow, please?" you ask. This makes her smile, the smile the lights up the room and your heart. "Of course, I look forward to it" and then she walks towards her office.

As the day has taken quite the toll on your body and emotions, you head home early. You enter your condo and open the suitcase on your bed to begin unpacking. You hold up last night's shirt and it smells of her. You cannot help but cling it close to your chest, and wonder if it is silly to not wash it immediately so that you can have her nearby. This, for the moment, is as close as you are going to get.

There is a knock at the door, and your heart cannot help but beat quicker. As you walk quickly towards the door and open it, you are shocked but glad to see her.

"Hi Amy". You had forgotten, but she had not. You have a date tonight.

"I brought you a little Hiney" she says as she places a six pack of Heineken on the counter. Oh, it must be time to go Dutch.


	13. Chapter 13

The sound of the alarm clock wakes you out of a deep slumber. As you reach over to turn off the annoying intrusion into your rest, you realize that you are not alone. There is a beautiful woman, nude no less, in bed with you. Unfortunately, and can the word unfortunately be used when a nude woman is in your bed? The woman is not your best friend. Oh hell.

From what you recall from the night before was opening the door and seeing Amy there to greet you. You had forgotten that you made plans with her less than a week prior. Prior to your life turning upside down in a positive way. Or was it? Amy showed up with a six pack of beer and your contribution to the evening was the tequila that remained from the week before. Since you have not been home for a while, the refrigerator was not as stocked as it should be. After the beer and the tequila, you made Amy your buffet. It was all you could eat, and you came back for seconds and, if you recall, thirds.

Oh hell. It was not that you had sex with Amy, no, not at all. You basically fucked her. There was no holding you back and no mercy for her. Not that she complained, in fact, quite the opposite. Your name was called quite a few times and hopefully the neighbors did not hear that you hope. She was there for you when your best friend was not. Two things are entering your mind now. First, you are not quite sober yet from the previous night's consumption of alcohol, and second is that you have cheated on your best friend after declaring your undying love for her. But wait a minute, isn't the reason you went to town on Amy was due to your inner person being hurt by the apparent morning welcome-home that you witness with your best friend and Robert? The changing of clothes she made for what reason? You have never known her to be indecisive once she has set her mind to her wardrobe. Getting there, of course, was a different story.

Amy is now awake and shifts closer to you. Oh hell again. You are enjoying her warmth, in fact it is almost as if your body is betraying your heart. There is no mistake, you are attracted to this woman, this nude creature who for some reason likes you enough to share your bed. Another early morning meeting at work will be your excuse for your departure away from her. Pulling yourself away, you say that you have to shower and get ready for work. "I think I will join you" she says.

Oh. Well, one or two more times won't hurt, will it? You think to yourself. You close your eyes briefly to shut out the vision of your best friend, and when you open them, you see Amy. Her eyes are smiling back at you, and this morning, that counts for a lot. Damn, you think, she is beautiful and you should feel guilty as hell. And then you remember Robert kissing the shoulder that you ached to kiss, and the teeth automatically clench at the thought.

After a nice deuce in the shower with Amy, it feels natural as you both get ready to face the day. The flow around the apartment is light and easy, and you are trying to shut off your mind and just enjoy the remaining few minutes before having to face whatever awaits you at work. It is not the job that has you concerned, it is facing your best friend. After a not so quick kiss on the lips, Amy gets ready to leave. "Let's do this again sometime, but give me a chance to recover, will you?!" she winks in your direction. "Take care" is all you can reply back.

While driving to work, you try to distract your mind by playing with the radio. As it turns out, the song that your best friend was dancing to in the car a few nights ago comes on. Against your better judgement, you listen to it as your mood plummets. You cannot help but wonder how you can be falling apart when you never really had it together in the first place. You supposedly have the love of the woman, married woman at that, who is your best friend and then an amazing woman that you honestly do care about, ok a little, as your incredible fuck buddy. Since when have you turned into this person? Yes, that person that you swore you would never be. This is not like you, as you prefer to commit to having one person in your life. In the past month, you have slept with Mark and Amy while in love with someone else. There is an odd chuckle that escapes you, more in a sarcastic way. Oh the irony of it all, being oversexed but not whom your heart aches for. Well, you think there are worse fates, but still.

She has already arrived at work and placed a note on your desk. It reads Please see me when you get a chance, I have something for you. It seems innocent enough, although you are going to give it a half hour or two before seeking her out.

So much for waiting, as the thought of what she has brought in for you is intriguing. As patience is one of your stronger virtues, you immediately head downstairs to seek her out. Upon opening her office door, she looks up from the pile of paperwork she has been dissecting and seeks your face. She smiles, and yet there is a sadness as she senses quite a bit has transpired between you each since the day before.

"Hey" you say. You feel awkward and yet at the same time explore her with your eyes to soak in as much of her as you can.

"Hey back. How was your evening?" Oh hell, how to answer that one with a straight face.

"Well, it was pretty good. How's Robert?" Oh, you had to go there right from the get go. There is that foot in mouth disease that you wish there was a vaccine for.

She looks away and answers "He's fine". Short but sweet. "I have something that I have been wanting to give you all day".

As you are just a child, the thought of a present brings a sparkle to your eyes. "Oh yeah, what's that?" you say.

She rises from her chair, walks over to you while looking at you in the eyes, mesmerized by your reaction. She can tell that you are excited to see what she has to offer. Your best friend stands before you, cups the side of your face and kisses you. Not only is it a kiss, it is a kiss that says how much I missed you. How much I want you, and how much I love you. This, indeed is better than a jelly donut. Two in fact.

You are surprised that she would kiss you while at work, as anyone can walk in and find you in this situation. At the same time, all you want to do is just continue to hold her while her tongue dances over yours. Pulling apart, she places her forehead to yours and opens her eyes. All you see gazing back at you is desire and want, and all you want is to absorb her into you. The kiss seemed to tell you that all was forgiven, for actions on both parties, and now is the time to concentrate on the future. All you need to do is hear what she has to say.

"When I woke up this morning" she says "you were not beside me. It was a realization to me that in fact I want, no, perhaps I need to wake up beside you. That only seems right. Today, I woke up beside my husband and I wish I could be proud of having such a successful, caring and attentive man beside me. All I wanted this morning was you. I wanted to roll over and place my head on your shoulder, feel your warmth beside me and perhaps the stubble on your legs." She laughs at that. You hope that was an attempt at a joke, although now you try to recall if you shaved this morning.

As she pauses, you realize that now is the time for you to speak as well. "I also woke up and realized that you were not there. It is such a fulfilling moment when I come to consciousness and realize that you are beside me. And when I realize you are not there, I am left with an empty feeling I try to fill somehow." That was the best way to describe waking up this morning with Amy and not your best friend. Somehow, this has got to change.

"So, if I can be so bold to ask this question and hope for a thought-out response, what is going to happen next?" You feel this is best way to phrase it, because you have not placed ownership on either one of you. In your mind, she has to be the one to make the required move in order for you to be together. Even though Amy is in your life, you are not legally tied to her as she is to her husband. Although it is overwhelming, it is not an impossible feat to overcome. If she wants that to occur.

"Well" she says "I suppose I need to confront Robert and let him know that I do not want a future with him, nor do I want children". Although both seem to require Robert, or at least a male, the thought of not having children seems to have gotten your attention. Have you ever considered having children? No, simply because you have not been in a stable relationship to allow that. You do like children, but do you want them as your own? Oh hell, something else to ponder down the road. Way down the road, as this is not as important to you as it may be to some other women. And what is important to you? Now that is a good question.

"Do you have time today to go out to lunch?" you ask. This is all too a serious conversation to have at the office, although you have had to find the strength to be adult enough to admit that. While you would love a greasy burger, she suggests the place nearby that the special for the day is Pad Thai. Where ever she may go, you will hopelessly follow.

After ordering, she quickly goes back to the conversation of the day. "So, I can tell that you are a bit hung over and, I would suspect, had an interesting night". You look up, feeling guarded. Your mind is screaming not to blurt out, for once, that if you can do it, so can I. Instead, you decide to take the high road and simply say "I had a date with Amy that was previously planned".

"And Robert is my husband" she responds. Okay, so is this a way of putting last nights' experiences into its proper category? And what might that category be – I had a previous commitment so I fucked them? That appears to be the one. While it has always been difficult for you to separate love and sex, after all, you are a woman, this appears to be the topic of the day. We each have our biological and emotional needs, and at times, the two do not cross in the ways we would desire. In a perfect world, although what is perfect, the two match. It is almost as nice as a Martha Stewart Thanksgiving day spread.

Moving forward, or at least you hope, will happen soon. This indecision is not doing well to contain your stress level towards the low end of the spectrum. You, however, made the promise to be there for her when she wants. Although, you assuming, whether right or wrong, that this would occur sooner rather than later.

She looks at you with regard before saying "I will leave him a note in the morning to tell him that I care but cannot picture a future with him, and then I will come over and stay with you. Is that alright?" No matter what, you are caught up in the middle of a potential divorce, and in this case, come out ahead. "I will give him time to pack his belongings and move out of my house". This sounds so clinical if you take away the emotions of it. Move from step to step, notify, expectation to move out. What could be simpler than that?

"I will be at my condo waiting for you" you say. Your mind immediately goes to making to-do lists of grocery shopping and laundry. Oh, please make sure to do the sheets and towels. Pick up flowers and some more of the wine she likes. Then there is that candle store that has all those stinky, aromatic candles for sale. She likes those. And oh, more tequila. Your day is now jammed packed with errands that will hopefully take your mind off of the task that is laid out before her.

If this holds true, tomorrow night, your girl can once again fall asleep in your arms. And for once, she will be yours.


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Thank you once again for reading my ramblings.**

There is so much to do today. You have got to keep yourself on point of doing all the errands so that you will not over think what may transpire in your life. There is a great chance that in the next few hours, your life is going to change. And it is going to be for the better - you will have your girl. Your Girl. She says she will commit to you. How unreal this all seems to you, almost too good to be true.

But did she say she would commit to you? Truth be told, she said she would come and stay with you. That is not a declaration of loving someone forever. Damn, why did it just occur to you? Your nerves are already on edge and now doubt has once again entered into the front part of your mind. It was hiding in plain sight in the back for all to see.

After cleaning your home and doing some laundry, you take to the city to do last minute grocery shopping and the ever-popular alcohol run. You think that wine and tequila ought to be on the list, maybe a bottle of champagne? Is she in the mood to celebrate after ending her marriage to Robert? Well, you as hell are. But then you remember you have to deal with Amy.

Amy. The girl who you could possibly love, if there was not someone else in that space of your heart that is filled by your best friend. It is almost unfair that your best friend is an emotional road block to overcome in order to move on with your life. Life, as you know it will change, and you have made the decision to let Amy know that now is not a good time and you cannot give anymore of yourself to her. No matter what happens, that should be the best approach. But oh, what pleasurable memories you will have of your time together. And, of course, you will miss Polly.

Deciding to be an adult, you make the decision to let Amy know right away that you would like to call off the romantic relationship. Feeling brave and yet weak, you pick up your cell phone and text **Hi Amy, I suppose we need to talk**. You hit the send button and put the cell phone back in your bag.

You think what dish to prepare for dinner this evening and wonder if you should go all out on an extravagant menu or keep it simple. The first would keep you busy and hopefully keep your mind off of the impending. That is what you should do. She is usually the one who cooks, so it is your turn to try to impress. Wine, protein and dessert. Chicken seems to be your best option, as it can be thrown into the oven while prep time is spent elsewhere in the kitchen. Do not forget to pick up her favorite flowers, tulips, a nice mixture of red and yellow.

There is a part of you that believes this is too good to be true. You hope your friend has the courage to go through with what she told you she had planned. It is almost as if you are about to start on a new life and have these next few torturous hours to get through are a reminder of how much you indeed want this.

Your friends know how much you love her. They can see it in your face, hear it in your voice when you talk about her. In fact, they knew how much you cared before you did. It was almost as if you two were the last to know how much you, in fact, loved each other. But it goes beyond that. There is love, there is want and there is need. She is all those things to you and more.

At times, you forget about yourself. As a reminder, you do have a lot to offer this woman. A good job, although it does come with risk. You have a loving family that adores both you and her, with friends that are supportive. And most importantly, you have a heart that is willing to care for her and the future. You believe the same could be said for her. She has always cared for you, and you are excited to begin this new chapter in life.

You are a nervous wreck, as for the hundredth time you notice the hands on the watch are not moving fast enough. You are afraid to wonder how she is doing, how she is coping and when she will be at your place. You hope she has the strength to deliver the news to Robert.

This woman, your best friend, is strong. She walks into a room with such a presence that she does not care if anyone notices her or not. Oh, but they do. How could they not? She is beautiful, with eyes that sparkle and hair that looks so soft and silky that you want to bury your face into it. She does not need to be noticed, in face prefers not, but she is. Her laughter is contagious and her smile shines through to even the coldest hearts.

Setting in at home, you unpack the groceries and position the tulips just so in the vase. After changing into some comfy clothes, you begin to prepare the chicken for the oven. Although you normally like the apartment quiet, you decide to put on some music in the background to set the mood while you prepare dinner. It is a hard decision between jazz, classic rock, heavy metal or pop and you go with pop. It is uplifting, at times, and it is nice to know what is current on the radio.

In the kitchen, your mood is lifted. Donning an apron that you should have washed weeks ago, you end up dancing with the chicken while preparing it for the oven. In fact, the chicken has better dance moves than you do. Not to be offended or outdone, you pour yourself a shot of tequila and tell the chicken the game is on for the best in show dance moves.

After putting the dance crazed bird into the oven, you set the table. Would candles be too much this evening? Not at all, and it is a shame you have none. You shake your head because you are trying to have everything just perfectly so, and that is not how life is. Realize that, have dinner and go forward. This should be easy and you realize that you need to relax.

The door bell rings. Your first thought is crap, my life is about to change. Your hands turn cold and begin to perspire as you mentally go through the scenarios that you have been pushing away from your thoughts all day. Again, the door bell rings and you realize it is your turn to make a move. She did, after all.

Opening the door, there she stands. Your best friend is armed with a suitcase and a backpack. "I'm here" she says. The look on her face is one of pure exhaustion and she looks defeated. You quickly grab the suitcase out of her hand and ask her to please come in. You sit her down on the couch to help her take off her shoes. Putting them aside, you dare look up and notice the look on her face. It is blank.

"Let me get you a change of clothes so that you can relax while dinner is cooking, ok?" you tell her. She nods and you head to the bedroom and place your favorite pair of sweats on the bed for her to change into. Her expression has you instantly concerned, both how she is responding to you and how she is feeling towards her discussion. Again, while jumping to conclusions, you remind yourself to be patient and to respond accordingly to her moods. After all, you are her best friend and that is your responsibility.

"Hey, go change, you will feel better" you tell her. She gets up from the couch with a little more energy than she first had after arriving. This is a positive sign to you, one of which you are excited to see.

She comes out looking like an angel in your sweats. What is funny, she took her suitcase into the bedroom and still chose your clothes to change into. That is a good sign, right?

As you begin to prepare the dishes, she enters the kitchen and asks what she can do. Trying to impress her, you tell her you have it well in hand and that she should choose the wine for dinner. You have purchased 4 different bottles of what you considered to be good white wines based upon the point system and thus she can choose what is best to go along with the meal. You have spared no expense for this day, and perhaps many days to come. Financially, emotionally has yet to be determined.

After finishing each of the dishes, you walk over to the table as she is pouring the wine into the glasses that you have cleaned for the evening. Your heart is beating fast, as you hope everything is going to go perfectly.

Her mood has improved and she seems to be more-lively and now you will go with the flow of having a friend show up on your door step with suitcase in hand instead of the love of your live committing to you eternally. It is so much easier to think in terms of minutes instead of the future. If she is ok, you are okay.

She has been acting calm ever since she has arrived. You want to quiz her on what has happened but have chosen to "go with the flow" approach that is killing you.

She sits at the table, a smile on her face. This smile you try to interpret as a good indication that she is happy, it is relaxing and you will take it for all it is worth. Just joking with her at the table, your heart skips a beat. It is as if she is saying "here I am, your turn" and so you are beyond ready to respond with "here I am". But first, food and beverage.

\ At this point, you do not care, as you want to sit down before her and ask how things are. It has been eating you up inside, as you have just gone through the motions of preparing the meal.

As dinner is now here, you dim the lights and sit down before her. Little does she know, your heart is in your hand as you wait for any response from her. This is perfect" she says. You can still see the tired expression on her face and decide then and there to just go with the flow.

"I am glad you like it, hopefully the chicken is not too dry". You say, as is your attempt at small talk. Your heart is beating so loud in your ears that Big Ben pales in comparison.

Taking a sip of the wine, which of course she has chosen well, you begin to relax and enjoy the moment. Here she sits before you, wearing the comfy clothes that she has stashed at your place. Her suitcase is in your bedroom, our bedroom perhaps? Thus far, all signs are a go but you need to hear that from her.

You have been watching her throughout the meal so much so that you have not enjoyed your own cooking. You alternate between a sip of the wine and whatever is on your plate. Your heart is in your mouth and there is really no room for vegetables and chicken.

She looks at you, more relaxed now after a few sips, or gulps of wine has been ingested. You try your best not to push, but the suspect is killing you. Your life is centered around how her conversation with Robert went. Again, you have no control and you are a bystander in your own life. When can you have control.

Looking across at her, you simply sat Hi. She looks up and shows such a sweet smile. She looks at you for a moment before saying "Thank you so much for dinner, this is nice to come home to".

She said the word Home. Does that mean she considers this her home, oh if only. The suspense is eating you alive as you want to know what transpired between Robert and your love. They say that patience is a virtue. You say that patience is a bitch.

Finally, she speaks up. "I have spoken to Robert and told him that my heart belongs to another". You cannot help but look around and think to yourself who that person is. There is something stopping you from realizing without a doubt that she loves you. She is watching you, and with a grin she simply says "Honey, that's you".

It is a simple sentence but it means the world to you. She has, indeed chosen you.


	15. Chapter 15

I cannot believe it, she has chosen me. Have I heard those words correctly? I sit across from her, I look into her eyes and see nothing but love. The next move, or as they say the ball is in my court, is now on me.

How does one respond when everything you want is presented to you on a silver platter? You cannot help but laugh inward at this circumstance. Your best course of action at the moment is to clear the table. Your mind is reeling and you need some time to digest this offering she has presented.

You take another sip of wine and comment how the bottle was a wise choice with dinner and Inward you know that you are stalling before getting to the topic at hand. The topic is US. It is enough to make your stomach churn, as the suspense is now overwhelming.

She looks at you and simply says "I took care of it and told him that I have contacted my lawyer to start the paperwork for divorce". She did not mean that to be cold, and that not how you took it. You simply look at her and wonder how she is able to keep so composed. You get up to take care of the dishes and put everything away. This gives you time to digest what she has said. She took care of it, but what does that mean for you? After clearing the table, you sit back down.

As you top off the wine glass, you ask if she enjoyed the meal. She looks into your eyes and at that moment, you connect. All night long, you have tried to fulfil the role as her best friend, trying to comfort her as she has just left her husband. Now your eyes have met and are searching each other with wonder. This look that you see says that you are wanted, loved, and desired above all. The look is carnal.

"I love you". Three words that mean so much to your heart. You take those words and file it away for the future, as she apparently has left Robert and is now yours. It is almost too much to digest, but so much better than Tums.

There is so much you want to say at this moment, but all you can come up with is "I love you too". After a pause, you ask if she is ok and she responds with a yes.

You cannot help but say it again to her, as all the cards are now on the playing field "I love you" to which she smiles and tenderly says "I know, and I love you too".

Tonight, is not the night to take things to the next level, to this you sense, and that is okay. Tonight, your role is that of best friend to comfort her, but at some point, you hope the next role will be as her lover. As they say, Rome was not built in a day, so patience is the key. As much as you want her, you want her to be free when she comes to you, and unfortunately the time is not now.

As the day has been extremely long, you mention to her that you are sleepy and ready to go to bed. Without waiting for her response, you head to the bathroom and start the nightly process of getting ready to turn in. While having a few moments to yourself, you try to muster the strength to have the patience to take things slowly. It is difficult for you, but you realize it is worth it in the long run. Your first time together has got to be perfect, and all these distractions make it anything but. Sometimes you wonder if you are such the dreamer and expect everything to be storybook, but that is too unrealistic to image.

She also prepares for a night of slumber and meets you in the bedroom. There is an awkward stare, as you both seem to be wondering, or perhaps wishing what the next step will be. You realize within your mind that you will hold her if she would like and be at peace with it. Although you have to try to prepare your body for such, as it always has a mind of its own.

You decide to be proactive and climb into the bed on your side. How quickly the sides have been established over the course of a week, you think to yourself. She walks over to her side and climbs in beside you. She quickly moves towards the middle and kisses you on the cheek. "Good night" she says and then rolls over to turn off the light.

You feel your heart beating within your chest, as you wrestle with your mind to turn off and let yourself fall asleep. You know this is the best thing to do tonight, as so much has already transpired during the past twenty-four hours.

After fifteen minutes, she rolls over and places an extremely bold hand inside your shirt onto your right breast. Your eyes immediately open and begin to roll in the back of your head. "I hope you don't mind my boldness, I just want to feel you tonight. Is that okay?" she asks.

While her hand has remained still on your breast, your nipple, on the other hand has reacted to her touch. By now, she has indeed felt that your heart is beating wildly as you try to stay as calm as possible as your best friend keeps her hand steady. You realize that this is just a sign of comfort that she wants from you, to feel you under her. She is not wanting this to go any further, and now it is just convincing your body of that fact.

After taking a deep breath, you try to relax as her thumb starts to brush against your nipple. Just the feel of her hand on one of your intimate places is too much for you to overlook. "Honey" you say "you are making it difficult for me to go to sleep".

"Then don't."

Oh, those words did not have a chance to sink in when you start feeling the movement of her hand towards your other breast. As she touches you, a dampness is overtaking your southernmost region and is spurring you on to take control. It is now or never to take what is yours.

You roll over to face the girl of your dreams and pull her in close. Your hand travels to her lower waist and begins to travel up her curved back. Finally, her face is close enough for the real first kiss as you make this transition from friend to lover. You meet half way as your lips finally connect with hers in a possessive yet demanding kiss that leaves you both breathless.

Wasting no time, you break from the kiss and help her to remove her shirt. Your hand immediately goes to a breast and grips her solidly while your mouth latches on to the other. She palms the back of your nape in order to keep you exactly where you, sucking that beautiful mound that is reacting to your mouth. She is so soft and yet responds so well under your touch that you find it difficult to slow down the pace. Your mind is screaming how much you want her now and want to take her fast.

Realizing that this is her first time being with a woman, you rein in your need to possess her and begin to slow things down. This woman in your arms deserves to be made love to, slow and with much love and attention as you can give. This helps to calm your animal instincts and prepare for what will be an exciting journey into knowing what she likes and the sounds she makes while you slowly go over her most erroneous spots.

You remove your shirt and panties, as you want every part of your body to feel hers. As you throw them on your side of the bed, you then reach your two hands and slowly remove hers past her knees and ankles. The entire time, your eyes are transformed with hers in the darkness, in hopes of seeing a sparkle of what she is feeling. Everything you do at this point is for her. You need to take care of her, please her, worship her as she is the one who holds that special place within your heart. It is your job to prove your love to her there correctly as she has chosen to give herself to you.

After the articles have been removed, you slowly lower yourself on her and guide her leg to wrap around your waist. As your two bodies are now joined, you take the time to leisurely kiss each other. You want her so bad that she is starting to feel that want as it drips down your leg unto her.

She is matching your instinct to control the kiss with her tongue, and this is sparing you on to move at a faster tempo. You release your lips from her mouth and slowly trail a path onto her neck towards her ear. "I want you" you say huskily. "Badly" she replies back.

Your mouth continues its journey towards her breasts. You descend down her cleavage and have to decide which breast to suckle on first. How does one decide? You travel to the right and palm the left, as she groans her approval. The sound she is making is turning you on and makes it hard to control the slowness of your overtaking of her. She deserves soft attention and that you make as internal promise to fulfil.

Your thumb brushes the bottom part of her breast where the flesh starts to rise. This is a big turn on to her, so you remove your mouth from her nipple and trace your tongue and mouth under her breast. Just the feel of how she rises to fill her breast is enormous. This woman, this incredible create is now your lover. Listening to her moans, it is hard for you to image what she must sound like when you begin to explore further down.

The time has come, you have shown great restraint and have pleased her by sending shock waves through her while adoring her endowed breasts. The feel of her nipple in your mouth as it turns hard is a feeling you will never forget as she pulls your head closer to her chest. But now you must continue your journey of her exquisite body and begin the descent downward.

As you slowly kiss your way down her stomach and past her waist, she slowly but purposely shifts her legs so that you have access to her. The excitement builds within you as you slowly begin to kiss the inside of her left leg and move down towards her knee. She seems baffled that you did not stop in between, but the journey isn't over just yet. Slowly and purposefully you begin the climb north.

Her right leg, the one closest to you, is your path towards her goal. There is so much inner strength that you are having to find to just slowly kiss and lick the inside of her thigh. She is enjoying it so much so that you wander over to the left leg and attach yourself to that. There's a spot, just where the inside meets the groin that you decide should be the perfect place to latch onto. It is an obvious location to place a hickey if so inclined.

As turned on as you are, you can now smell her aroma and are transfixed with how much she wants you. It is amazing that you can have such the reaction from this girl, this woman, this beauty before you. And at last you ever so slowly descend.

At first, you go slow. Your tongue grazes the outside of her, first starting with her folds as you are dying to try her wetness. As such, you have gone to Heaven after the first glorious taste of her. A long stroke is what you begin with, as you want to slowly map the terrain with your tongue. She bucks her hips and moans loudly during your initial approach on her.

The taste is overwhelming your senses, as this is what you have been craving for with all your being. This woman in front of you, this new lover, your friend. She is wide open and longs to feel your tongue tasting her, and that you intend to do.

The desire to take possession is overwhelming, but so is your desire to go slow for your first time together. You want to slowly get to know each and every centimeter of her, her sounds, her tastes, her likes and what drives her to buck under your control. And now you have that, as she is pushing herself against your mouth as you have latched on to her clit while inserting your tongue in for an exploratory feel of her. God, this woman is incredible and it is taking so much of your patience to take your time and let her come to you, move into you. And that, she will surely do.

You grasp her hand as she places the other on the back of your head. She wants and needs you where you are, and you are perfectly fine with that. Taking your time, you relish the textures you are feeling as you slowly move your tongue back and forth within her and around her clit. This is as perfect as you imaged it would be, as she firmly grips your hand and pulls your head even closer.

You feel her beginning to twitch as she bucks her hips towards your mouth and says your name. The angels in Heaven are rejoicing as this is the most magical moment of your life. This beautiful creature is in your arms and now she has given herself to you, and oh what a perfect gift.

As you are now trying to calm yourself down, as pleasuring her has taken you to new heights that you were not expecting, you slowly begin the climb upward towards her face. Looking into Her Eyes, you say with all the feeling you bring forth "I love you".

With tears in Her Eyes, she says simply and yet elegantly "I love you too".


End file.
